Friday, September 29, 2006

How We Treat People (and things) in this World

A story by Auburn Aries
(none of this story has been modified or corrected)

How We Treat People (and things) in this World

There once lived a girl that was the same from the people in her class but they teased her like she wasn't good enough or something and everyday she would go home and ask her Mom if she was different. Her Mom always told her, if she was different, she would have told her. And if she was, it wouldn't be no different. "Cause" she will always be the better person.

One day she went home and asked Momma are we poor? No. Your not poor if you have a loving family and a nice friend. Ok Momma.

So when she went to school the next day, the kids asked are you poor or something? So instead of answering, she asked if she could give a speech in front of the class? The teacher said yes so she did.

Her speech went like this:

How We Treat People by: Alexa B.

I know this might not change you but listen. We all might be different but we're all one people. We're all one. We shouldn't be friends one day and not be the next.

And teasing. We need to stop "cause" always 24 against one.

[pictures of flowers and rainbows and shooting stars here]


We all just need peace!

Thank you for listening to my speech.

Parental side note:

I may make mistakes as a parent but when I read her stories, especially stories like this one, I realize I am doing one very important thing right. I have the best kid on the planet. My concern is that someone at school has said something to her that it prompted these thoughts in her. We clearly are not poor and she knows that but the stuff about mis-treating her because she's different bothers me on a scale that is indescribable. They better pray I never hear them say it to her…or better yet, I pray that I *do* hear it. Little bastards.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Auburn Aries learns text messaging

During the American Idol finale, I was sitting in CC Slaughter's with the usual gang. I received text messages from Auburn Aries. I loved this exchange.

AA: Talor won

AP: Thank you, Sweetie. I love you.

AA: Love u to, ps bar girl!!

AP: LOL. Saucy Girl!

AA: Did you mean saucy in a bad way?

AP: It's a good thing. Be home soon. Nite, Sweetie. Go to sleep Pretty Girl.

AA: Ok Mommy, night.

AP: I love you so much it makes me cry good tears. Nite baby.

AA: Nite nite

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

20-something Hotties

Explain it to me if you will.

Why is it the age of women who provide services for you has decreased?

Why is it said women have become more and more beautiful?

Is it possible (shush...I know that not only is it possible, but it's *why* it's happening) that I've reached the age where everyone now appears young enough to be my child?

I used a waxing professional in Portland - let's call her Aunt Sandy. Aunt Sandy looked like just that...someone's Aunt. Middle-aged, thick sandy blonde hair to her shoulders that had just the right amount of wave, a pair of cheaters (half glasses) that sat low on her nose.

I entered Aunt Sandy's shop and was nervous until I met her. I realized having her wax my hoo-haw was really no big deal.

Then I began working at Company South and could no longer make my appointments in Portland, so I searched for a waxing professional who could accommodate lunch hour appointments.

I walked into this new salon with a certain amount of ease built right in. Then entered Hot Young Thing. Yep, you got it. 22 years old. Firm, full breasts. Long straight hair with just the right amount of highlights. Long eyelashes. A tattoo on the small of her back (cut to Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn in Wedding Crashers). Tan skin...

Suddenly the thought of opening my legs for a Brazilian wax caused everything within me to tighten with anxiety. I'm old enough to be this young girl's mother and she's going to get up close and personal with a particular area of my body that I'd ordinarily not let someone her age see.

Please understand I'm not normally an uptight person. In fact, most would say I am the exact opposite when it comes to things like this. And don't get me wrong - I didn't shy away from the fact that I was about to open up my goody-box (as we call it in my family) to be (((ahem))) serviced. Being the mature adult that I am I sucked it up and proceeded as planned.

I did, however, apologize for the fact that she was going to be so up close and personal with such an intimate area. I also thanked her for doing so.

She responded and told me about how when she first started waxing she was amazed by all the different ways a woman's anatomy looked and found it fascinating. Said she'd go home and tell her fiance' all about it. Now, however, you've seen one - you've seen them all.

There was a dozen different ways for me to refute this particular argument but I decided it would have been a point wasted on a 22 year old straight girl.

I managed through that appointment and all my subsequent waxing appointments. She does a great job and we've become friendly with each other. She more so with me for obvious reasons.

Fast-forward to today when I had my gallbladder ultrasound.

I'm in the waiting room and in walks this stunning beauty. Average height, thin build, long straight blonde hair, blue eyes, beautiful skin and teeth and probably in her mid'ish 20's. I thought she was going to take me back into the room and leave me with Ursula the Ultrasound Tech.

Not the case.

"If you could just remove your top and leave your bra on..."

At least I wore a really pretty bra today.

"And put this gown on, open in the back... I want to make sure I don't get lube on your clothes..."
Umm hmm. Lube on my clothes. I'm sorry but where's the problem?? (((giggle))).

"We'll get started..."

And that we did.

I laid back on the table and the laughter I had going on in my head about how she had no idea of how what she was saying could be misconstrued was gone.

It was at this moment that I became very cognizant of my age. I have the over 40 mid-section that needs a little attention. I have laugh lines on my face - each one earned. I was old enough to be her mother. I was laying here assessing this 20-something hotty x-raying my body.

Everyone looks younger now. Everyone is so into life and planning their future - all futures that have crossed my path and thankfully so I might add. I'm grateful for the sweet young things that do for me the things I won't or can't do. But gone are the days of objectifying them the way I used to. Now I just feel like a gross ol' lesbian when I do it. Unless of course I have someone with me and we're objectifying them together. Then it becomes people-watching.

You didn't seriously think I'd stop checking people out did you? It's true I am old enough to be a mother to some of them. But I'm not... and that, my the key.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

The gall of some people

Tomorrow I go to the Imaging department at one of our NW hospitals. I have to have an ultrasound done on my gallbladder of all things.

Who'da thunk it? How weird is this. Off and on for some time now I've had this pain up under the right hand side of my rib cage. It feels similar to the pain you get when you've been running and you get that catch in your side except for me it's more of a big annoying, non-stop ache.

I've had this place in between my shoulder blades that's gone out a lot lately. I actually thought it was a rib that kept sneaking out of place. When I went to a naturopath/chirocracker he indicated that it could be indicative of something more serious. Upon answering what seemed like a neverending list of questions, I came to realize that those symptoms I had that I had been dismissing could likely be a problem with my gallbladder.

I was supposed to go have it checked last week but they scheduled it on the first day of school. I wasn't up to sacrificing the excitement of Auburn Aries first day of school.

I'm truly hoping it's nothing but from what I've heard your gallbladder will give you a couple of warnings and then could get acute in short order. Best not to screw around with it I guess. It's funny...I never heard of anyone having their appendix out until mine ruptured when I was 20 and then I knew a dozen people who had it happen.

Similarly, I only know of one friend who's had hers out and now I get rumblings from friends and coworkers of this person and that one who's had theirs removed. Of course, it'd be nice to talk to one of these people first hand - I guess I'll find out what it's like soon enough if they decide to rip it out. When I went to the doctor the nurse that took my vitals told me that I was the fifth person they'd seen that day for the same thing. need to get spun up in a knot over it just yet. I should know more tomorrow.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

It's not Hot anymore!

Well, it's finally happened.. Hot Toddy no longer lives here. No longer will I hear that familiar beckoning from downstairs reminding me it's 5 o'clock somewhere and that the cocktail hour is upon us. No longer will I be able to just pop downstairs and visit with my friend. No longer will I worry that he's not eating well and invite him up for dinner at the spur of the moment. Well, that will still happen it will just have to be planned better.

I know it's his time to go. Though I have not seen his apartment yet (boycott perhaps?!) he's told me it's great. The Toddtender told him it has great energy and I trust The Toddtender in that regard. I'll make it over there this week perhaps.

Ordinarily one would see the new digs of a friend when they move, however with Hot Toddy that's a horse of a different color. You see Toddy doesn't move things like a normal person would. He tends to drag his feet and do it in spurts. He was telling me this weekend that it took him two months to move out of the home of The Handsome Prince and The Math Whiz when he moved in with me.

Now that Toddy has Sven, it's taken moving to an entirely new level. Don't get me wrong, I'm not by any means complaining. On the contrary, I hope it takes him a long time to move out. That guarantees plenty of face time with the Toaster Oven. I did, however, have to laugh earlier when he and Pony and I were having cocktails together on my front porch.

AP: You know Toddy at the rate you're moving things out of here, I might as well just keep charging you rent.

HT: I know. It took me two months to move out of The Handsome Prince's house. You see, I don't want to burden any one person with helping me move so I'm spreading it out between all my friends.

Pony: Remember, I'm only going to help you move boxes. No furniture this time! Hey, wait a minute. You have a truck now, why am I helping you at all? Besides, if you'd quit moving every six months, that would help.

HT: I know, I know. No furniture. Doesn't matter anyway. The Toddtender already helped me with that. He was such a big help. Besides, I lived here almost a year and a year at THP's and a year and a half with Juju.

AP: Wait a minute!!! You lived here the least amount of all?! That's not fair!

Pony: Yeah, you chased him away! See what you've done.

HT: Don't worry, Aub. I'll be by in a few days and grab another shirt and pants for work. Then a couple days after that I'll come by again... You get the idea.

AP: Auburn Pisces' Storage Facility. for me.

He took another box out to his truck tonight. Pony and I watched as he heaved his computer box into the bed of his truck. A little piece of my heart goes every time he heads for his new place. I know he's still just across town. I know I'll still see him. But fewer are the days of us sitting on the porch in our jammies having tea and coffee and getting caught up. Gone are the days of heading home knowing that I have him to vent to when something's gone awry and I need to talk about it this minute.

As I write this post Auburn Aries reads over my shoulder and says in her small little voice, "I'm going to miss Toddy." Girl, if I had a nickel...

The love I have for Toddy and all My Boys continues to grow exponentially with each passing day. They are truly my family. Without them I don't know what I'd do. In as much as I was there for Todd following Thor's departure when his heart was breaking, he's been there for me in equally important ways...even if it was just to have a Margarita and not talk about whatever was going on because that's all we could do.

So go on, Hot Toddy...move into your bachelor pad and do your thing. I'll make sure there's ice in the freezer for whenever you come back home for a visit.