Saturday, September 07, 2019

Time Alone

Kid moved out earlier this summer.  Things sure have been quiet.  I miss her but I appreciate the solitude.  It's no reflection of her, it's just I've had people around me for 30 years and the ease and freedom that come with only considering yourself are a nice change from participating, managing and guiding other peoples' lives.

When I met her dad, it was 1990.  We were together seven and a half years when we decided to have her.  Then as things would have it, I ended up raising her on my own.  So add 22 years to that (with a year break while she was away at college in LA) and in the blink of an eye, it's almost 30 years later.

It sounds like a long time.

It isn't.

It went by without it feeling like it was 30 years.  Admittedly by the time Auburn Aries flew the coup I was ready to be alone though.  Just as I'm sure she was.

You put two strong women in one house and things can get heated from time-to-time. Feelings get hurt, tempers flare.  But even during those swings between my menopausal moments and the kidlette's adjustment to adulthood, I couldn't have loved another human more.

My summer has been quiet. 

Off all of "My Boys" from the Portland days, the only one I keep in touch with is Golden Boy who is now married with a son.  And I keep in touch with The Professor once a year, on his birthday.  Relationships I thought I'd never lose in a million years have fallen by the wayside.  It's been an adjustment not having certain friendships anymore.  There are days I feel lonely but those are rare.

Here in San Diego, moving back after being in PDX 24 years, I didn't have the friendships I thought I would.  Everyone is settled into their families, grandchildren, their circle of friends.  At first I didn't get it...why people didn't really call to grab a glass of wine or go do something.  But I realized I have time I don't want to forfeit either. Mine just comes in the form of solitude.

I've had people tell me that I have it made.  I live alone, I don't have to care for anyone else, I don't have to share my bed or be on the hook to cook for someone else or do their laundry.  Overall, I'd say that's true.  My time alone isn't making me sad... That's for damn sure.

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