I'm going home. I've decided to move back home to San Diego. I've lived in the Pacific Northwest for 23 years and although it's beautiful up here and Portland has a distinctive vibe which I find wonderfully appealing, I can't stand the rain anymore. If there were just three more months of decent weather; say three months of spring or three months of fall, I'd probably stay.
For me, Portland is what San Diego was. It's got this chilled, laid back way about it. It's diverse and welcoming and people are friendly not to mention how absolutely beautiful it is here. It will be hard to leave and I know I'll shed more than a tear when I pull out of town.
I moved here when I was 26 so essentially although I was born and raised in San Diego, I'd only lived there as an adult from ages 17-26. I've lived 23 years of my adult life here. This is what I've come to know.
You'd think based on what I've said already that staying up here would have more pull. But nine months of gray and clouds and rain is a lot. We had 50" of rain in 2012. The fourth wettest year in history. It's too much. Night after night I sit in my livingroom and shake my head and ask myself what the fuck I'm doing.
The other reason I'm going home is I have a support system back home that I don't have here. I don't have any close friends here. I know hundreds of people a large part of which I consider friends but they aren't people who call to see how I'm doing or to see if I'd like to go have coffee. They don't ask how Auburn Aries is doing. They don't understand or care about the struggles of being a single parent. No one with whom to wax poetic all things parental; the highs and lows. There is no shoulder to cry upon, no one to tell me I'm doing a good job. Or a shitty one for that matter.
Most of my chosen family has moved away in search of work (successfully I might add). My sister, Skinny Girl, moved to the midwest in November. The only sister and brother I have left up here couldn't give two shits less about me. They've never approved of my life or the way I live it. I don't kowtow to their opinions and judgment and it pisses them off. They've never appreciated that I march to the beat of a different drummer. I don't fit in their box and that makes me an anomaly which is unacceptable to them. Apparently it still pisses me off because I'm still talking about it. ARGH!
Moving back home I have access again to female friends that are my age and have kids and get it. They are women I love and respect and have something in common with. Plus I can give Aries an adventure. Let her see what that many consecutive sunny days feels like. Or what barbequing on Thanksgiving feels like. I want to be able to show her around my home town and give her some options. She wants to go to college in SoCa anyway so this makes her a resident.
So now the thoughts are all consuming. Movers vs. UHaul vs. POD. Stay with friends for a couple weeks while I find a place or trust someone else to pick it for me? What do I want to keep that's stored in the garage vs. what needs to find its way to Goodwill.
There are a lot of variables, but there's one thing I'm sure of: I've not felt this happy about a decision I've made in a long, long time. I haven't taken a risk on anything in years. I've just been going through the motions day in and day out. This time it's for me. And it's for enriching Auburn Aries' life. Cost of living is more and we may struggle but by Goddess, I'll give it everything I've got.
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