While driving home with Auburn Aries a few weeks ago, she made an observation.
AA: Mom, the world is just one big measuring cup, isn't it?
AP: How do you mean?
AA: Everything is measured; quarter-mile to Sauvie Island, 10 miles to Portland, you sit at a red light for a measured amount of time, TV is in 30 or 60 minute blocks...everything is measured.
Sometimes her insight astounds me. I've been on this planet a lot longer than she and I had never viewed it in those terms.
As for the amount of time I've been away from my blog, we won't measure that today. It's been far too long and even though it seems lots of people have fallen away from blogging, I have every intention of picking it back up. I love writing and sharing my stories and thoughts.
I was looking through some notes I've been carrying in my purse for that indeterminate amount of time I've been away and I have some fun C.C. Slaughter's stories with the boys I want to share.
There was the time Golden Boy was tending bar and while watching him mix a cocktail, I expressed a need:
AP: Can I have one of those pourers?
GB: A what?!
AP: A pourer. One of those things where the mix comes out.
Then Pony spoke up:
P: Golden Boy is the pourer. That's the spout!
Then there was the time we were all having cocktails talking about Pony's hugantic truck he drives and another male friend of ours overheard the conversation and interjected:
EA: You know, every time you come over in that big ass truck my Cher dolls fall over!!
I cracked up laughing. Anywhere else that would be the strangest sentence coming from a man, but not in C.C.'s.
And I can't forget the time the topic of conversation was how cool it would be if lube dispensed out of a hose from our bedroom ceilings like it does at Jiffy Lube on the retractable hose.
You see, not much has changed and with regard to me and My Boys, that's a good thing. We're all a little older and for some of us we live and work in different places but we're still the same and I wouldn't change that for the world.
On the flip side of my world, Auburn Aries is doing great. She's 5' 7-1/2" now and in the sixth grade. She's still beautiful and funny and smart except now I can add in occasionally sharp tongued and sometimes acts like her Mom's an idiot. From where does that attitude creep in? It baffles the mind. I ask a simple question and her response is in this tone that would imply that I had just yelled at her and she needed to defend herself.
She's still carrying around baby fat that she hates. She asked me a few days ago how can she find a person that will be her best friend and keep them being her best friend and not wishy-washy. My first thought was 'wait until you're grown up, you'll find them' but that wasn't what she needed to hear. She asked me about why people are put off by her and, yes, in those words.
I tried to explain to her that most people judge a person by the way they look and with her they see tall and overweight and people won't always give themselves a chance to get to know someone who looks different. I suggested to her that she continue to see people for what's on the inside, like she always has, and that when she feels a connection with a new friend that she needs to nurture and care for the friendship.
I pointed out that my friendships with Hot Toddy, Pony and Golden Boy are friendships that I put time into just the same way they do and the result is we've all become a family. I assured her her best friend was out there somewhere and in no time at all she'll be snubbing Mom for a movie with her girlfriends.
I've said it before - I won't know if I've done a good job raising her until she's 30 and has kids of her own. Hopefully the impact I make on her world is a good one.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
The craziness inside
Why do the holidays have to be so difficult?
Is it the fact that I've lost my Mom and my brother inside three years? Is is that money seems so fucking tight right now and has for the past year and a half? Is it that Auburn Aries still believes in Santa and I have to live up to her expectations? Is it the new relationship I am smack in the middle of that I'm still trying to figure out?
It's interesting dating someone that is completely out of the ordinary. He's someone so tenderhearted that I worry about hurting him. I know he would never hurt me or Aries. Dating another Pisces is very interesting. I'm enjoying it but there is a certain clinginess due to circumstances beyond his control and I have to ask myself if I'm ready for this.
I worry that he's more in love with me than I am him.
I'm in Seattle in class and it's just started back up. More later.
Is it the fact that I've lost my Mom and my brother inside three years? Is is that money seems so fucking tight right now and has for the past year and a half? Is it that Auburn Aries still believes in Santa and I have to live up to her expectations? Is it the new relationship I am smack in the middle of that I'm still trying to figure out?
It's interesting dating someone that is completely out of the ordinary. He's someone so tenderhearted that I worry about hurting him. I know he would never hurt me or Aries. Dating another Pisces is very interesting. I'm enjoying it but there is a certain clinginess due to circumstances beyond his control and I have to ask myself if I'm ready for this.
I worry that he's more in love with me than I am him.
I'm in Seattle in class and it's just started back up. More later.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Open wide and say Ahhhhh
A couple of weeks ago I had to take Auburn Aries to the doctor for what I suspected what Strep throat. I thought it would be best to get a culture done just to make sure it was treated if that was the case.
While sitting the little room waiting, Aries looks over at me and says:
AA: I know how to spell Chlamydia.
AP: [flashes to a certain scene in Mean Girls and subsequently wonders why a 10 year old knows this not-so-fun fact] You do?
AA: Yes. It's c.h.l.a.m.y.d.i.a.
AP: Well, that's good, Honey. Just don't get Chlamydia, okay?
AA: Okay Mommie.
After seeing the doctor and deciding to go ahead and take the throat culture even though she doesn't suspect it was Strep, the nurse returns to take the culture. It took a little bit of convincing Auburn Aries that the throat culture was necessary.
AA: YOU'RE NOT STICKING THAT LONG Q-TIP IN MY THROAT.
AP: Yes, Baby, she is. She's just gonna touch it to your tonsils and make sure everything is okay.
AA: I've seen CSI, Mom. They don't just touch that thing to your throat. They drag it around and dig a little!!!
AP: Well that's true but this isn't CSI and you aren't dead. So open your mouth.
Aries finally did open her mouth and the nurse did drag it around a little. I about died laughing at the look on Aries face as though had she just drank sour milk.
AA: It's not funny Mom... [gags a little then coughs] It feels like I just swallowed metal.
AP: Like a glass of metal shards?
AA: Yep, just like that.
Who says having kid isn't fun??
While sitting the little room waiting, Aries looks over at me and says:
AA: I know how to spell Chlamydia.
AP: [flashes to a certain scene in Mean Girls and subsequently wonders why a 10 year old knows this not-so-fun fact] You do?
AA: Yes. It's c.h.l.a.m.y.d.i.a.
AP: Well, that's good, Honey. Just don't get Chlamydia, okay?
AA: Okay Mommie.
After seeing the doctor and deciding to go ahead and take the throat culture even though she doesn't suspect it was Strep, the nurse returns to take the culture. It took a little bit of convincing Auburn Aries that the throat culture was necessary.
AA: YOU'RE NOT STICKING THAT LONG Q-TIP IN MY THROAT.
AP: Yes, Baby, she is. She's just gonna touch it to your tonsils and make sure everything is okay.
AA: I've seen CSI, Mom. They don't just touch that thing to your throat. They drag it around and dig a little!!!
AP: Well that's true but this isn't CSI and you aren't dead. So open your mouth.
Aries finally did open her mouth and the nurse did drag it around a little. I about died laughing at the look on Aries face as though had she just drank sour milk.
AA: It's not funny Mom... [gags a little then coughs] It feels like I just swallowed metal.
AP: Like a glass of metal shards?
AA: Yep, just like that.
Who says having kid isn't fun??
Saturday, November 03, 2007
Math homework is hard
Auburn Aries is at her Dad's this weekend. I have very much been looking forward to the break. With Samhain upon us and the purchasing of a costume and the trip to the corn maze traipsing around in the mud and the subsequent trick or treating, I've been exhausted.
I was awakened this morning by a call from someone special (more on him another time) but found I couldn't fall back asleep. I curled up on the couch under a blanket and was enjoying the peace and quiet and reflecting on the week when I noticed on the coffee table a math worksheet Aries had completed.
It was chock full math riddles:
If you count by this number, you will say 100, but you will not say 10.
If you count by this number, you will say 200, but you will not say 40.
If you count by this number, you will say 300, but you will not say 75.
Find several factor pairs for the multiple of 100 you chose and list them below.
I read through her paper and was able to see the areas where she had penciled her thoughts. It was cool to see her work. I review her work but it's usually in the context of making sure it's completed and not necessarily to see that which I saw today. It literally made me laugh out loud.
The final task on the worksheet read:
Write about the strategies you used to find the factor pairs.
Aries' response:
I counted in my head, re-read what I wrote and counted on my fingers and toes. And checked with my Mom.
I was reminded that she's ten and half years old. She's growing up so fast and is extremely tall and very mature for her age ~ sometimes I forget that her mind is still young. It took about 2.5 seconds for me to miss her.
I was awakened this morning by a call from someone special (more on him another time) but found I couldn't fall back asleep. I curled up on the couch under a blanket and was enjoying the peace and quiet and reflecting on the week when I noticed on the coffee table a math worksheet Aries had completed.
It was chock full math riddles:
If you count by this number, you will say 100, but you will not say 10.
If you count by this number, you will say 200, but you will not say 40.
If you count by this number, you will say 300, but you will not say 75.
Find several factor pairs for the multiple of 100 you chose and list them below.
I read through her paper and was able to see the areas where she had penciled her thoughts. It was cool to see her work. I review her work but it's usually in the context of making sure it's completed and not necessarily to see that which I saw today. It literally made me laugh out loud.
The final task on the worksheet read:
Write about the strategies you used to find the factor pairs.
Aries' response:
I counted in my head, re-read what I wrote and counted on my fingers and toes. And checked with my Mom.
I was reminded that she's ten and half years old. She's growing up so fast and is extremely tall and very mature for her age ~ sometimes I forget that her mind is still young. It took about 2.5 seconds for me to miss her.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
100 Things About Me
1. I was born the 13th of 14 children. I have 10 brothers and three sisters.
2. My parents named me after the lady who owned the liquor store. She was apparently their best friend.
3. I am a natural redhead but the last few years and it's gotten progressively darker.
4. I now color my hair back to red because I detest people referring to me as a brunette (not that there's anything wrong with it).
5. My Dad got me my first bike at the dump. It had a banana seat and tall handle bars - though one of the handlebars was broken off . There was only a 4 or 5" stump sticking out. I loved that bike.
6. My Dad beat my ass once when my sister's rocking chair arm touched my rocking chair and I called her a booger and he thought I said fucker. I was only five years old. I did not know what the word fucker meant.
7. My family has always said I march to the beat of a different drummer. They're right. My older sister doesn't like me because of it. My younger sister adores me because of it.
8. My Mom made the best homemade biscuits in the world.
9. I knew I liked women when I was on a flight to Texas to see my grandparents. I sat next to a woman who I couldn't take my eyes off of. I was 12.
10. I once saw a picture of a woman in Playboy who looked exactly like her.
11. My first female sexual experience was with two different women in the same week. I lied to each and told them they were the first because I didn't want to hurt anyone.
12. I am actually bi but love, for me, can come from either sex. I don't need both. I can be happy with either.
13. To this day I wonder what my life would be like if I had really been supported when I discovered my sexual orientation.
14. Life growing up was difficult hiding so much of myself and having no one who understood me. I never understood why love was conditional.
15. My Dad had a small 20-acre ranch we called the Ponderosa when I grew up. He had 75 head of cattle - each one had a name.
16. My younger sister is who I am the closest too in my whole family.
17. We laugh just alike and we've never had a fight.
18. She now lives in Missouri and I miss her every day.
19. In 1980, my Dad sold a bull named Wobbles at the livestock auction for the down payment on my first car.
20. I once threw a half-eaten burrito from Taco Bell at my younger sister.
21. I once tried to throw a pass with a bag of Cheetos in a grocery store to my Mom who was in line about to pay for the groceries. It landed squarely on the store manager's bald head.
22. My childhood was wildly difficult due to a father who drank too much and was exceedingly strict. (that's sugar-coating it).
23. I was never able to figure out how to forgive him for hurting me nor did I understand why he did it until one day I realized he did the best he could ~ unfortunately his best wasn't good enough. It was at that point I decided to let it go.
24. Those beatings are why I'm so lenient with Auburn Aries.
25. My favorite album is Heroes by David Bowie.
26. I had a mullet in high school that resembled David Bowie's.
27. I studied dance (contemporary, ballet, pointe) for many years.
28. I was supposed to go to Japan and dance professionally but the tour was cancelled on Valentine's day in 1982.
29. I had a gig lined up to be a showgirl at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas but the moron the director of entertainment sent out to see me dance waited until the last possible day to come to the dance studio and I lost the job because I wouldn't have had time to learn the routines by that coming Monday.
30. I had no support from my family in my dancing career either. I was a great dancer.
31. My first concert was The Babies and Alice Cooper.
32. A girl from my dance company made brownies with weed in them for the concert. I hated brownies but ate one to be polite.
33. I had never been high before and at the concert I thought I was getting a contact high inside the concert when all of a sudden everyone in our group started laughing at me.
34. I've sailed on a Hobey Cat a loved it.
35. I lived in between the beach and the bay (a minute walk to each) when I lived on my own in San Diego.
36. There really is a flash of green that occurs as the Sun drops behind the horizon.
37. Living at the beach gives you a completely different outlook on life.
38. I watched I Love Lucy five times a day growing up.
39. My Dad taught me to shoot when I was 11.
40. I also learned to drive his Massey Ferguson tractor as well as his pickup truck that same year.
41. I never felt like I fit in when I grew up. I had long legs, redhair and a fiery attitude.
42. I didn't start feeling like I fit in until after I left home.
43. I love being in my forties.
44. I have better friends now than I ever had in my lifetime.
45. I would not turn back the hands of time even if I could.
46. I love that I'm a native San Diegan.
47. I love Mexican food and Patron Margaritas.
48. Some of the best margaritas I've ever had were at Casa de Bandini in Old Town in San Diego.
49. I don't like sweets for breakfast. I prefer breakfast burritos with hot salsa.
50. I don't drink coffee.
51. I prefer Earl Grey.
52. I love organic, non-fat milk.
53. I am a Pagan. It's the only belief system that's ever fit.
54. I can't put paper in my mouth nor can I see anyone else putting paper in theirs.
55. Wooden toothpicks are out also.
56. We had horses growing up and I fell in love with riding. I never seem to do it anymore.
57. My Mom pushed me toward office skills classes in high school as a backup plan in case dancing didn't pan out. I could take shorthand at 100 wpm.
58. I now work in IT and though I enjoy it, it's not what I meant to do.
59. I have OCD in peculiar ways. For instance, I can't go up the stairs leading the left foot or I have to go back down and start over.
60. My sister, Skinny Girl, has full on OCD with just about everything in her life ~ but in ways that greatly benefit her.
61. I've only traveled internationally to various placed in Mexico.
62. I had a male lover who was an artist who told me I would fit in well in Europe.
63. I say exactly what I think and don't consider that it might freak people out. I doubt that personality trait will ever change.
64. I love Harley Davidson's and if I didn't have a child, would own one of my own. I have to be around for her and don't want to increase the odds of dying because someone didn't see me on a bike.
65. I never changed schools growing up except for the transition from elementary to middle to high school.
66. Laughter goes a long way with me. Lying to me terminates friendships and relationships.
67. I've been in polyamorous relationships.
68. I paint my toenails even in the winter.
69. An ex-girlfriend had a star named after my Mom after she died. It sounds like a corny thing to do but the framed artwork of the Pisces Constellation hangs in my home office and it makes me feel close to my Mom.
70. An even closer friend made a donation to the Alzheimer's Foundation in my Mom's name. When she gave me the gift I thought it was a joke until I read the entire card. I went from laughter to tears in just seconds.
71. Every year I go to the Oregon coast with my chosen family and I love that we have this tradition.
72. I love watching really great comedians.
73. I always figured if being a professional dancer didn't work out, I'd be a lawyer or a cop.
74. I have never withheld sex as punishment. I would in turn only be punishing myself by not getting it.
75. Sex truly does get better with age.
76. I prefer dogs and have not owned a cat since I was a kid.
77. I have a lot of books I haven't read but will get to them eventually.
78. I never slept well until I bought my Carrington Chase latex bed. Now I adore sleeping in on the weekends.
79. I spent the first half of my life in relationships. I've spent the last several years single and appreciate more than ever sleeping alone in the middle of the bed.
80. Men from the south with that built in politeness of calling me ma'am, turn me on.
81. Even though I've never been to Montana, it's someplace I think I'd like to retire. Though I don't know if I could be away from the ocean since I've lived near it my entire life.
82. I miss the strength that men bring to my life. I miss feeling safe in a man's arms.
83. I think arrogance is ugly.
84. I hate that I don't have a good set of pliers.
85. I suck at taking care of myself first and it's the first rule you should follow.
86. Sometimes I forget to take my cell phone with me when I leave the house and even though I initially freak out because I left it, I'm always pleased at the silence.
87. I love philosophical conversations but never seem to have enough of them.
88. I fear what it will do to my daughter if I'm taken from this earth too soon.
89. I got married at 19 to a great man but didn't know how to be in a healthy relationship. I treated him poorly and wish now I had done right by him.
90. We have been dear friends for the last 25 years and I'm grateful we've both grown enough to appreciate each other.
91. I love watching college football and major league baseball. I enjoy watching other sports too, but sometimes not as much.
92. I love the person I've become. What I once perceived as weakness I have come to realize were, in fact, the differences that set me apart from others.
93. I love going to the coast alone and usually go once a quarter but haven't done it much in the last year.
94. I miss it.
95. I love the times I've taken Auburn Aries to the coast with me and we've just chilled out.
96. I snore.
97. I love it when it's windy.
98. I never carry an umbrella and I've never minded getting caught in the rain. It's just hair and I'll eventually dry off.
99. I miss waking up to sunny mornings like when I lived in San Diego. It just starts your day off better when the sun is shining.
100. I think everyone should believe in magic(k).
2. My parents named me after the lady who owned the liquor store. She was apparently their best friend.
3. I am a natural redhead but the last few years and it's gotten progressively darker.
4. I now color my hair back to red because I detest people referring to me as a brunette (not that there's anything wrong with it).
5. My Dad got me my first bike at the dump. It had a banana seat and tall handle bars - though one of the handlebars was broken off . There was only a 4 or 5" stump sticking out. I loved that bike.
6. My Dad beat my ass once when my sister's rocking chair arm touched my rocking chair and I called her a booger and he thought I said fucker. I was only five years old. I did not know what the word fucker meant.
7. My family has always said I march to the beat of a different drummer. They're right. My older sister doesn't like me because of it. My younger sister adores me because of it.
8. My Mom made the best homemade biscuits in the world.
9. I knew I liked women when I was on a flight to Texas to see my grandparents. I sat next to a woman who I couldn't take my eyes off of. I was 12.
10. I once saw a picture of a woman in Playboy who looked exactly like her.
11. My first female sexual experience was with two different women in the same week. I lied to each and told them they were the first because I didn't want to hurt anyone.
12. I am actually bi but love, for me, can come from either sex. I don't need both. I can be happy with either.
13. To this day I wonder what my life would be like if I had really been supported when I discovered my sexual orientation.
14. Life growing up was difficult hiding so much of myself and having no one who understood me. I never understood why love was conditional.
15. My Dad had a small 20-acre ranch we called the Ponderosa when I grew up. He had 75 head of cattle - each one had a name.
16. My younger sister is who I am the closest too in my whole family.
17. We laugh just alike and we've never had a fight.
18. She now lives in Missouri and I miss her every day.
19. In 1980, my Dad sold a bull named Wobbles at the livestock auction for the down payment on my first car.
20. I once threw a half-eaten burrito from Taco Bell at my younger sister.
21. I once tried to throw a pass with a bag of Cheetos in a grocery store to my Mom who was in line about to pay for the groceries. It landed squarely on the store manager's bald head.
22. My childhood was wildly difficult due to a father who drank too much and was exceedingly strict. (that's sugar-coating it).
23. I was never able to figure out how to forgive him for hurting me nor did I understand why he did it until one day I realized he did the best he could ~ unfortunately his best wasn't good enough. It was at that point I decided to let it go.
24. Those beatings are why I'm so lenient with Auburn Aries.
25. My favorite album is Heroes by David Bowie.
26. I had a mullet in high school that resembled David Bowie's.
27. I studied dance (contemporary, ballet, pointe) for many years.
28. I was supposed to go to Japan and dance professionally but the tour was cancelled on Valentine's day in 1982.
29. I had a gig lined up to be a showgirl at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas but the moron the director of entertainment sent out to see me dance waited until the last possible day to come to the dance studio and I lost the job because I wouldn't have had time to learn the routines by that coming Monday.
30. I had no support from my family in my dancing career either. I was a great dancer.
31. My first concert was The Babies and Alice Cooper.
32. A girl from my dance company made brownies with weed in them for the concert. I hated brownies but ate one to be polite.
33. I had never been high before and at the concert I thought I was getting a contact high inside the concert when all of a sudden everyone in our group started laughing at me.
34. I've sailed on a Hobey Cat a loved it.
35. I lived in between the beach and the bay (a minute walk to each) when I lived on my own in San Diego.
36. There really is a flash of green that occurs as the Sun drops behind the horizon.
37. Living at the beach gives you a completely different outlook on life.
38. I watched I Love Lucy five times a day growing up.
39. My Dad taught me to shoot when I was 11.
40. I also learned to drive his Massey Ferguson tractor as well as his pickup truck that same year.
41. I never felt like I fit in when I grew up. I had long legs, redhair and a fiery attitude.
42. I didn't start feeling like I fit in until after I left home.
43. I love being in my forties.
44. I have better friends now than I ever had in my lifetime.
45. I would not turn back the hands of time even if I could.
46. I love that I'm a native San Diegan.
47. I love Mexican food and Patron Margaritas.
48. Some of the best margaritas I've ever had were at Casa de Bandini in Old Town in San Diego.
49. I don't like sweets for breakfast. I prefer breakfast burritos with hot salsa.
50. I don't drink coffee.
51. I prefer Earl Grey.
52. I love organic, non-fat milk.
53. I am a Pagan. It's the only belief system that's ever fit.
54. I can't put paper in my mouth nor can I see anyone else putting paper in theirs.
55. Wooden toothpicks are out also.
56. We had horses growing up and I fell in love with riding. I never seem to do it anymore.
57. My Mom pushed me toward office skills classes in high school as a backup plan in case dancing didn't pan out. I could take shorthand at 100 wpm.
58. I now work in IT and though I enjoy it, it's not what I meant to do.
59. I have OCD in peculiar ways. For instance, I can't go up the stairs leading the left foot or I have to go back down and start over.
60. My sister, Skinny Girl, has full on OCD with just about everything in her life ~ but in ways that greatly benefit her.
61. I've only traveled internationally to various placed in Mexico.
62. I had a male lover who was an artist who told me I would fit in well in Europe.
63. I say exactly what I think and don't consider that it might freak people out. I doubt that personality trait will ever change.
64. I love Harley Davidson's and if I didn't have a child, would own one of my own. I have to be around for her and don't want to increase the odds of dying because someone didn't see me on a bike.
65. I never changed schools growing up except for the transition from elementary to middle to high school.
66. Laughter goes a long way with me. Lying to me terminates friendships and relationships.
67. I've been in polyamorous relationships.
68. I paint my toenails even in the winter.
69. An ex-girlfriend had a star named after my Mom after she died. It sounds like a corny thing to do but the framed artwork of the Pisces Constellation hangs in my home office and it makes me feel close to my Mom.
70. An even closer friend made a donation to the Alzheimer's Foundation in my Mom's name. When she gave me the gift I thought it was a joke until I read the entire card. I went from laughter to tears in just seconds.
71. Every year I go to the Oregon coast with my chosen family and I love that we have this tradition.
72. I love watching really great comedians.
73. I always figured if being a professional dancer didn't work out, I'd be a lawyer or a cop.
74. I have never withheld sex as punishment. I would in turn only be punishing myself by not getting it.
75. Sex truly does get better with age.
76. I prefer dogs and have not owned a cat since I was a kid.
77. I have a lot of books I haven't read but will get to them eventually.
78. I never slept well until I bought my Carrington Chase latex bed. Now I adore sleeping in on the weekends.
79. I spent the first half of my life in relationships. I've spent the last several years single and appreciate more than ever sleeping alone in the middle of the bed.
80. Men from the south with that built in politeness of calling me ma'am, turn me on.
81. Even though I've never been to Montana, it's someplace I think I'd like to retire. Though I don't know if I could be away from the ocean since I've lived near it my entire life.
82. I miss the strength that men bring to my life. I miss feeling safe in a man's arms.
83. I think arrogance is ugly.
84. I hate that I don't have a good set of pliers.
85. I suck at taking care of myself first and it's the first rule you should follow.
86. Sometimes I forget to take my cell phone with me when I leave the house and even though I initially freak out because I left it, I'm always pleased at the silence.
87. I love philosophical conversations but never seem to have enough of them.
88. I fear what it will do to my daughter if I'm taken from this earth too soon.
89. I got married at 19 to a great man but didn't know how to be in a healthy relationship. I treated him poorly and wish now I had done right by him.
90. We have been dear friends for the last 25 years and I'm grateful we've both grown enough to appreciate each other.
91. I love watching college football and major league baseball. I enjoy watching other sports too, but sometimes not as much.
92. I love the person I've become. What I once perceived as weakness I have come to realize were, in fact, the differences that set me apart from others.
93. I love going to the coast alone and usually go once a quarter but haven't done it much in the last year.
94. I miss it.
95. I love the times I've taken Auburn Aries to the coast with me and we've just chilled out.
96. I snore.
97. I love it when it's windy.
98. I never carry an umbrella and I've never minded getting caught in the rain. It's just hair and I'll eventually dry off.
99. I miss waking up to sunny mornings like when I lived in San Diego. It just starts your day off better when the sun is shining.
100. I think everyone should believe in magic(k).
Monday, September 03, 2007
An Update (thanks to MzOuiser)
I received an email from MzOuiser a couple of days ago. I was reminded that I have blog friends out there who enjoyed reading my posts each day and who miss me. I've been so wrapped up in my own world that often times it's felt like there was too much going on to take the time to sit down and write. In one simple email she touched upon several things that hit home.
So here's a brief update which I hope will get me somewhat caught up so that I will begin to write again.
Auburn Aries:
My little girl is doing GREAT. She's so beautiful that there are times I look at her and I can't believe she's mine. She's ten and a half years old now and 5'5" tall. Most days she's still too smart for MY own good but that's better than the opposite I guess. It just means that when she hits her teen years, I'd better just keep my seatbelt on. In fact, I should upgrade to one of those eight point harnesses like they use in Nascar.
Work:
I am working downtown again and do not miss the 90 minute commute I had to Company South. Though I have to tell you it takes me half that time to get the 11 miles to the office! I work with fantastic people at Company International. I started out doing project architecture for a while and that was really cool. Now I'm getting back into systems engineering on Solaris which is a skillset I have to blow the dust off of. I missed doing Unix stuff but I've never missed doing Solaris work. Blech. AIX is my poison. (And Toddy, I know you don't know what I'm talking about - just ignore that last part.)
Hot Toddy:
Hot Toddy and I are still close friends though we don't see each other quite as much as we used to. As you know from his blog, he's been busy with weddings and trips and softball and The Toddtender and, and, and... He and Pony and I are still tight as ever. Toddy still never misses a beat and can have me on the floor about to pee my pants in two seconds.
Pony:
Pony has, over the past couple of years, proven to be my safe port during some intense personal storms. I've struggled and he's been there to pick me up. Next to my sister, Skinny Girl, he probably knows more about me than anyone. The best thing is neither he nor Toddy have judged me through my difficult times. The sign of true friends.
Mustang:
Still have it, still LOVE it.
Sugar Bear:
The dog I thought I'd hate. Aries' little Chihuahua is now a whopping four and a half pounds. I didn't think I was going to like having a little dog in the house, but it's pretty awesome. I've only ever had large dogs and didn't realize how loving a small dog could be. I was prepared to hurt Golden Boy for giving us that puppy but as it turns out I owe him a debt of gratitude.
Personal:
I've struggled. I've deal twith my depression and recently have been diagnosed with associated OCD and ADHD. Though I'm on the upswing, my depression got so bad after several big events last year that I lost my motivation. I've had trouble getting it back. I finally feel like the clouds are lifting.
I didn't get the house listed by July like I had hoped. I couldn't seem to get it in pristine enough condition to show it. And it's hard to ask for help with stuff like that. A person is supposed to be able to care for things like that on their own.
What I've come to realize is that depression is very real. And losing motivation like I did is not uncommon. Whereas I was very concerned about taking antidepressants and now Strattera - just the thought of having to take meds made me feel weak like I should be able to deal with it on my own.
The reality of that is this: if I had diabetes I wouldn't think I could fix that on my own. I would need the insulin to get better. My brain for whatever reason misfires and I need a little help staying on track. I feel more like the old me every day which is great. Saturday was the first time in the last two years I've felt really fucking good. So I'll keep doing what I'm doing and work on my shit. It's all I can do.
So I'm still plugging away on getting the house packed. The more I pack the more there is but I'll deal with it.
I'm still single - have been for a long time now. Oh, I still have my friends with benefits when I need them, but for now, I just need to take care of me. Me and my baby girl.
So here's a brief update which I hope will get me somewhat caught up so that I will begin to write again.
Auburn Aries:
My little girl is doing GREAT. She's so beautiful that there are times I look at her and I can't believe she's mine. She's ten and a half years old now and 5'5" tall. Most days she's still too smart for MY own good but that's better than the opposite I guess. It just means that when she hits her teen years, I'd better just keep my seatbelt on. In fact, I should upgrade to one of those eight point harnesses like they use in Nascar.
Work:
I am working downtown again and do not miss the 90 minute commute I had to Company South. Though I have to tell you it takes me half that time to get the 11 miles to the office! I work with fantastic people at Company International. I started out doing project architecture for a while and that was really cool. Now I'm getting back into systems engineering on Solaris which is a skillset I have to blow the dust off of. I missed doing Unix stuff but I've never missed doing Solaris work. Blech. AIX is my poison. (And Toddy, I know you don't know what I'm talking about - just ignore that last part.)
Hot Toddy:
Hot Toddy and I are still close friends though we don't see each other quite as much as we used to. As you know from his blog, he's been busy with weddings and trips and softball and The Toddtender and, and, and... He and Pony and I are still tight as ever. Toddy still never misses a beat and can have me on the floor about to pee my pants in two seconds.
Pony:
Pony has, over the past couple of years, proven to be my safe port during some intense personal storms. I've struggled and he's been there to pick me up. Next to my sister, Skinny Girl, he probably knows more about me than anyone. The best thing is neither he nor Toddy have judged me through my difficult times. The sign of true friends.
Mustang:
Still have it, still LOVE it.
Sugar Bear:
The dog I thought I'd hate. Aries' little Chihuahua is now a whopping four and a half pounds. I didn't think I was going to like having a little dog in the house, but it's pretty awesome. I've only ever had large dogs and didn't realize how loving a small dog could be. I was prepared to hurt Golden Boy for giving us that puppy but as it turns out I owe him a debt of gratitude.
Personal:
I've struggled. I've deal twith my depression and recently have been diagnosed with associated OCD and ADHD. Though I'm on the upswing, my depression got so bad after several big events last year that I lost my motivation. I've had trouble getting it back. I finally feel like the clouds are lifting.
I didn't get the house listed by July like I had hoped. I couldn't seem to get it in pristine enough condition to show it. And it's hard to ask for help with stuff like that. A person is supposed to be able to care for things like that on their own.
What I've come to realize is that depression is very real. And losing motivation like I did is not uncommon. Whereas I was very concerned about taking antidepressants and now Strattera - just the thought of having to take meds made me feel weak like I should be able to deal with it on my own.
The reality of that is this: if I had diabetes I wouldn't think I could fix that on my own. I would need the insulin to get better. My brain for whatever reason misfires and I need a little help staying on track. I feel more like the old me every day which is great. Saturday was the first time in the last two years I've felt really fucking good. So I'll keep doing what I'm doing and work on my shit. It's all I can do.
So I'm still plugging away on getting the house packed. The more I pack the more there is but I'll deal with it.
I'm still single - have been for a long time now. Oh, I still have my friends with benefits when I need them, but for now, I just need to take care of me. Me and my baby girl.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Ponder this...
Where the hell does the bread tie go when you take it off a brand new loaf of bread?
I actually took off the plastic closure and made mental note not to lose it and by the time I removed two slices of bread for a sandwich, it had disappeared. Gone.
Not only that, but the same EXACT thing happened to the English muffin package earlier that morning when I made Auburn Aries breakfast!
I actually took off the plastic closure and made mental note not to lose it and by the time I removed two slices of bread for a sandwich, it had disappeared. Gone.
Not only that, but the same EXACT thing happened to the English muffin package earlier that morning when I made Auburn Aries breakfast!
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