Friday, April 08, 2005

Balance and Harmonic Vibe For Sale

If my life were any better, I'd have to sell it on Ebay.

For Sale:
Previously used existence currently living in 21st Century. Former empty downstairs of 3,000 s.f. home finally rented. Found, was the perfect gay man for a housemate. Kind, considerate, thoughtful, sweet, built, helpful, fun and loves Auburn Aries. No longer are the days of pulling into a house that's half empty. Now is the time of feeling the warmth of someone's kind energy when I walk in the door.

Included is the love, warmth and friendship of Hot Momma (formerly known as Runs With Fetus) and her new baby, "Cupcake" (obviously not her real name). With the exception of Auburn Aries, of course, Cupcake is probably the most beautiful baby ever born. Hot Momma already has her pre-pregnancy body back and she and The Mister are adjusting to parenthood beautifully. Now Hot Momma can get back to those 26 mile marathons. The friendship received by Hot Momma fulfills a niche that no one else can.

If purchased no later than Sunday, said purchase will include celebrating the eighth birthday of one Auburn Aries. That's right - act now so that you have the opportunity to make room for more gawd-damn Bratz or Barbie dolls. Be there to watch the joy light up her pretty little face on her birthday.

Be there on a day-to-day basis and bite your lip to keep from laughing when she's sitting in the tub explaining that she has pointy elbows and wants you to feel them. Observe her bending and extending her arm (like she's lifting a dumbbell) while she explains..."Right now, my brain and my elbows are making my arm do this." Or become even more educated when she explains to you that "the yucky, dirty breath you breath out, even the breaths that have all the germs in it, is called Carbon Dioxide."

Don't pass on the opportunity to be on Amtrak with your daughter heading up to watch the opening day for the Seattle Mariners. Watch her shutter as the train leaves the station because she's so excited.

Locate your seats at Safeco Field - seats at field level that you paid a fortune for just because you're a diehard fan, and while basking in the ambience that feeds the sports addict in you, realize that when you hear that little voice next to you say, "When is the peanut guy going to come?" that it will only be the first of 329,457 times you'll hear it until the dirty bastard gets there. Smile when you realize that you wouldn't trade one of those 329,457 times for the world, simply because you are sharing opening day with your daughter.

Experience that brief moment in time when the peanut vendor actually gets there and launches your warm bag of peanuts like a football across 40 seats, only to realize he has shitty aim and unless you have an eight foot reach, you're not going to be able to catch it and listen as Auburn Aries expresses total disgust that the bag split slightly when it hit the ground because he's a bad shot.

Be there while your eyes swell with tears when they ask everyone to stand as the opening day ceremonies begin. Put on your Oakley's before they begin announcing the 2005 Seattle Mariners starting line up because they're "your boys" and you have history and seeing them for the first time since last season will make you cry and this way no one can see your eyes.

Say a silent prayer to the baseball Gods that they'll have a kick ass season (while secretly wishing for another 2001 season and 116 wins). Accept that you will be willing to settle for a good, strong season and a great time watching.

Know in the future, that you will have to prepare yourself for the Star Spangled Banner (knowing how it usually makes you cry when you see 46,000 people all there for the same reason while showing respect toward our flag and country...and baseball) because when you see your little girl place her hand over her heart and she begins to sing it for the first time ever, while reading the lyrics on the Diamond Vision screen - even though she was out of tune, that it can't get any better than this, right here, right now, at this very moment.

Watch as your daughter drops a huge glob of whipped cream off her skewer of chocolate covered strawberries, right onto your favorite Mariner sweatshirt that she's wearing. Know in the future that whipped cream will stain said sweatshirt with what looks like a grease spot.

Watch your M's win their season opener 5 to 1 with both a three run homer and a two run homer by Richie Sexson. Leave the game sucked into that vortex called Baseball.

Experience a repeated moment of pride each time your best friend, Hot Toddy's Toaster Oven, asserts himself and/or sticks up for himself no longer being a doormat to those who are accustomed to treating as such. Watch him strengthen new relationships with old friends and be the best person he can be - For himself and no one else. New behavior isn't always easy and often comes with a lot of controversy. Take pleasure in reminding him that being true to yourself and being real is the best start.

I've lingered for the last year in a place of, not so much darkness as it is a deep shade of gray and me being forced to start over again: healing from being hurt so badly; healing from being so financially stung by my last relationship; forced to re-evaluate what's acceptable behavior and what's not; being challenged with what's always been my truth and whether or not that truth is still effective; forced into dealing with feeling betrayed; learning to trust again;having to deal with the death of my brother. All while desperately trying not to give up or end up jaded. It's been a long, arduous road.

Well, now it's my turn. Good things are happening for me and I'm going to attempt to stay out of the darkness. I have the best friends in the world. They are my family. My sister, Skinny Girl, is always there for me as well. She is my rock. Without her and my family of friends, I would be lost. I have a nice house, a great housemate, a great job, I'm single and comfortable in my own skin (though occasional sex would be nice), my daughter is healthy and smart and funny and loves me "all the way to God and back." The Goddesses provide and my friends have my back. What more could I ask for.

I am blessed.

Now that I think about it, my life's not for sale after all! I think I'll be keeping it.

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