Press 1 for English

Why the hell do I have to press 1 for English? This is America. English is the language spoken here.

People who don’t speak English should have to press a button, not me.

This pisses me off.

And interactive voice commands with an automated attendant…this works if your Hot Toddy and you’re sitting in the park shouting at the automated attendant at the bank.

But if you’re me and you’re trying to make a personal call at work amidst the cube farm, I don’t want to have to announce my choices into the phone.

“NO”

“YES”

“PASSWORD”

“PASSWORD”

“CUSTOMER REPRESENTATIVE”

“AGGRO LESBIAN”

[“I’m sorry but your command was not recognized. Please select one of the following choices…”]

“C.U.S.T.O.M.E.R. R.E.P.R.E.S.E.N.T.A.T.I.V.E.”

Give me a gd option to bark like a dog into the phone or press the appropriate button. Geez. The times I want to press a button I can’t. Bastard companies over-streamline now.

If you’re Old Mother Hubbard, not having to push a button would be a good thing. Or if your just too exhausted to reach up there to press a button. As Kathleen Madigan would say, if that were the case you’d probably be willing pay somebody $20 to dial that number 2. If it were an 8 you’d dial it, but that 2 is all the way at the top which is just exhausting.