Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Between Camilla

I’m a morning person. I like the fact that it’s a new day. I’ve never been one to sleep in. Sleeping in means I’ve wasted part of the day. It’s quiet and peaceful in the morning. I enjoy having a cup of Chai while putting on my make-up and watching the news. I won’t usually watch the news if Auburn Aries is home. If I do, I end up having to answer questions like, Why did someone kill that man? What’s rape? Why are there bad people in the world?

Any generic answer to these questions gets revisited until she gets the whole explanation and I’m not prepared to go into such detail. Not now anyway.

The early morning hours are the only peace and quiet I get in a day. Auburn Aries is still sleeping. Once she’s up the dynamic changes dramatically until she goes to bed and by then I’m exhausted.

My alarm goes off at 4:15 a.m. every day. Most days I slide out of bed around 4:30 and get on my treadmill for 30 minutes. I turn on the tube and turn on closed captioning so that I will have something to concentrate on besides how bored I am on the treadmill.

Hot Toddy blogged once about the quirky text you find in closed captioning. I have, for many mornings now stepped off the treadmill mid-workout and jotted these things down. I’ll actually be laughing out loud at some of the silly things I read. I read them later simply because they make me laugh.

I’ve left that list at home and in all honesty it probably isn’t worth writing about as it’s been done before. However, there was one thing this morning that I thought was worthy of sharing.

CNN did a segment on Prince Charles and that whore Camilla. They spoke of the two of them getting married (kinda traded down there, didn’tcha Chuck?!). They were reporting how she could potentially become the Queen of England once Charles takes the British throne and becomes King. They talked about how unless there was legislation stating otherwise, that could be the case.

The segment ended stating that “Camilla says she’s happy not to be called Between.”

A little late for that now isn’t it... If it weren’t for your raggity ass crowding the marriage of Princess Di to that ugly bastard, she might still be alive gracing all of us with her beauty and selfless acts of kindness.

Queen Camilla. Yeah, and pigs might fly outta my ass. She’s gross. Yuck.

And while I’m on a useless rant, one of my coworkers says “reconnize.” It’s RECOGNIZE you idiot. Of course, he’s also the one that in a meeting will say “now, Auburn Pisces, keep me honest here…” when answering a question in which he is uncertain of the answer. Noooo. I won’t keep you honest. Make you look like an idiot, maybe. Help you appear like you know what you’re talking about…that’s not going to happen.

And then there’s the word “edjumacate” that he uses with frequency. “You know, I don’t know how to do this process and I was hoping you could edjumacate me on it.” Well, rainman, maybe you don’t know how to do the process because you weren’t bright enough to learn the English language well enough to comprehend simple directions.

Some people’s kids. Can’t work with ‘em, can’t kill ‘em and leave ‘em by the roadside when you’re done with ‘em.

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