Friday, March 25, 2005

Scary Dreams and Play Things

I don’t feel well today. I’ve been seriously hoarse for two days. I was up all night coughing my head off. I have a headache from the coughing. As far as my health, I feel like I’ve been pulled through a knothole backwards.

I was going to take the day off and have a mental health day. A “me” day. Now that’s turned into a sick day. Bummer.

In addition to not feeling well and coughing all night, I had bad dreams all night. First I dreamt that a strange man had stolen the gold wedding band with diamonds that I wear on my right thumb. It was my brother Jim’s ring. He’s the brother who died in January. His wife gave me his ring on the day of his funeral and I always wear it.

Then in my pursuit to try and get the ring back, he turned into a big fat liar about whether or not he had it (I guess expecting a thief to be honest was too much to ask). At one point in the dream, I started having sex with him - you know, keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer - to try and locate the ring and steal it back.

When I still couldn’t get the ring back, I was going to call my biker friend Harley to have he and his boys take care of it for me but Harley was otherwise engaged with his new girlfriend and couldn’t be bothered.

Exasperated, I left wherever I was at to go pick up Auburn Aries from school and got there just in time to see someone kidnapping her. Rather than get into my 2003 Toyota Camry, I jumped into the closest car I could which was this old Rambler than seemed to barely move.

I managed to follow them and snatch Aries back but the car was so slow that I was almost caught in my pursuit…by Ms Karma. Yep, she was working with the bad guys. Here I was in the middle of rescuing my baby only to realize one of my best friends was in on it.

I drove until I found some policemen and approached them with Aries right beside me. When they turned to address me, I realized it was the bad guys again. They had tricked me.

I don’t know how it ended. I just know that in the next scene Aries and I were walking across this beautiful foot bridge over a river somewhere in Europe. Who the hells knows.

The upside of this craziness is I attended the Pure Rome Ants party at Hot Toddy’s last night. It was great fun. Juju did a phenomenal job and presents her wares like a seasoned pro. Not a seasoned pro like a hooker but a seasoned professional who is comfortable with the line of products she sells and believes in them.

She made everyone feel comfortable. I was the only woman in a room full of gay men. My life doesn’t suck. I adore everyone who was there and it was so wonderful to see them all again. It was great fun to watch the guys express fun interest about the product line and ask questions you wouldn’t normally hear. Things like, “will that stain my sheets.” Or, “Do you have one of these that doesn’t look like a vagina?”

I was also proud of those who chose to willing participate by asking if they could sample this product or that one. Imagine half a dozen men all walking around slowly wiggling their hips because of the sensation achieved from the magical goo they put on “the twins” which Juju’s reference for a guys balls. God I love her. She’s so damn cute. That Metro is one lucky bastard.

All of the guys appeared to be just as open with each other as women are when they’re together. I love being one of the guys. It’s not good for my sex life but then, who needs a sex life after last night’s party!

Juju totally hooked me up. Maybe that’s why I feel so run down today. I was up until the wee hours test driving the...uh…and then the...uh… Never mind.

Anyhoo, I awoke this morning looking at my purchases and realized I probably didn’t need some of the things I purchased. But that’s what happens when you mix Margaritas and a sex toy party and Auburn Pisces. My resistance drops to zero, especially when the sales exec is as hot as Juju.

I was supposed to hook up with Pony last night after the party but it ran so late it was all I could do to get home and get to bed. It was after midnight when I walked in my door. Hopefully he’ll give me a rain check and let me buy him that beer (or twelve) that I think I owe him.

I’m off to hit the couch and recoup. It’s like my Dad used to say, “there ain’t nothing that ails ya that a shot of Kentucky Bourbon won’t cure.” I’m thinking I might have to test drive that theory.

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