Friday, December 10, 2004

It Takes All Kinds..

Human relationships are so complex. No matter how hard you try to keep it simple, it seems the opposite happens.

There are those in your life with whom laughter and the freedom to love comes easily. It is with these people that there is a level of acceptance about who you are, what you are, your genetic make-up. Acceptance just *is*.

It doesn’t matter if you’re moody, because they have the ability to pull you out of it without even trying. You can be a crying mess about things that later seem silly and these types of friends don’t mind. A true friend will agree with you that hindsight usually sucks.

These people accept it when you tell them you are in a funk, crabby, and generally pissed off and don’t know why. They don’t overanalyze and try to fix you. They just accept what *is* knowing that you will likely snap out of it when you’re ready. They are able to exist in the same space with you without letting it affect them. And in these particular instances if you need to have the shit slapped out of you, they do it – with love and kindness and laughing with you as you reel from the sting.

People like this don’t judge you. You can speak of a person or situation that you know you need to cut loose, or of a person you should have no faith in but keep believing in regardless of the emotional cost. You can speak of how someone still holds a piece of your heart when they probably shouldn’t. True friends will understand and be there to pick you up each time you stumble.

I try to surround myself with people I have full and complete faith in. These are the handful of people in my life that I refer to as “best friends.” They are exactly like those I’ve mentioned above. I can count these people that I trust implicitly, on one hand (okay, one and a half). They are the people that know the real me - the whole story – and they love me anyway!!

Some are the local peeps (you know who you are) and oddly enough the others are spread out. One is in southwest Washington, another further north in Olytown, another is in Virginia Beach, another in San Diego. They are, however, people with whom I can pick up the phone and feel like I just spoke to them yesterday. Somehow we always know what the other one needs.

These people in my life, both near and far, help recharge my batteries.

Recharging my batteries is often times what I need to deal with the other type of people… those that just don’t get it. These people are the type you want to identify early, in order to limit your exposure.

These are the people who are oblivious to the feelings of others. They don’t realize their selfishness knows no bounds. Whoever they are speaking to, they twist the truth to accommodate their own needs. They are so wrapped up in their own insignificance they don’t realize no one is paying attention. These are the people who have to over-inflate themselves to make themselves feel good. They don’t believe (though they would never admit it) people will accept them for who they are.

These types of people are incapable of keeping it simple. They play blame games and don’t take accountability for their own actions. They believe there are varying shades to the truth. Truth is truth people, figure it out!

We need to learn to say no to these people, even if it’s just to ourselves. Why is this process of saying no so difficult? Why do people like us try to believe so badly in people like them? It is foolish to have faith that the whole world will do the right thing. Yet I keep believing and trying. I keep putting my heart out there and reaching out only to be reminded people like the latter are incapable of changing.

It’s the one piece of advice my Mom gave me in my lifetime. While hanging clothes on the line at our house in El Cajon, CA at the age of 16: “You want to have faith in the whole world that they’ll do the right thing and you are going to get hurt over and over again if you don’t learn to take care of yourself. Don’t let the same snake bite you twice.”

The human spirit is a beautiful thing. It can endure and overcome so much. Everyone, at one time or another, has been afraid, apprehensive or uncertain. Those with depth will look inside themselves in search of their own truth. Unfortunately, the people that look inside for answers aren’t always necessarily the people who need to do so.

Some people seem heartless, some people ARE heartless, and some of us have enough heart to share with others. We don’t like being hurt any more than anyone else, but we will continue to give love and get hurt with the hope that on some level, we’ve made a difference in someone’s life.

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