Monday, January 09, 2006

My ovaries were bigger than his dick.

Tis I...Auburn Pisces.

I haven't disappeared. K9 crashed my personal laptop several weeks ago and it's taken until yesterday to get it back online (thank you, Pony). I ordinarily would just post at work if my home system is down but alas, I have lost my job.

I left work on the 21st of December and hadn't planned on returning from my vacation until January 3rd. Auburn Aries was on her two week Christmas break and I usually spend a week of it with her.

I received a phone call from my boss the Thursday before I was to return to work. He said he wanted to talk to me about something.

Ahole: I need to talk to you about something. This is a really difficult conversation to have. We've decided to terminate your employment effective January 13th.

AP: [Hard to form words when your jaw is on the floor. I thought my stomach was going to fall out my butt]. Terminate my employment?

Ahole: With new direction the company is [blah blah blah] we've had to make some adjustments and [blah blah] budget cuts.

AP: Why my position? [we just hired four new employees on our team - I have tenure gawd damn it.]

Ahole: Well, quite honestly you were the most expendable. I knew about the reduction in force a month ago. I'm sorry.

AP: [Nice... I give six years of my life to this effing shithole company only to find my contribution and presence was just simply not needed anymore]. So just like that, I'm done? You couldn't have given me a heads up a month ago when I specifically asked you if my job was in jeopardy and you said yes and then proceeded to give me guidance on how to fix it? You couldn't just tell me there was RIF coming?

Ahole: I'm sorry. You don't need to return to work. Because of the level of access you have, your access was revoked prior to my making this phone call. We'll need your access badges, key fob, and any other company property you have. Contact the HR Department about a severance package. I'm just sick about this. I know what this does to you emotionally.

AP: Emotionally? Emotion has nothing to do with it, Ahole. You just dumped a financial bomb in my lap. I'm a single parent with a $2,000 mortgage and I just bought a new car last night!

Moral to the story is... My boss CALLED me while I was on my VACATION to TERMINATE MY EMPLOYMENT and then advised me he was NOT going to allow me access to my work laptop to retrieve any personal files that had accumulated over the course of six years. Isn't that special?!

The funny thing is Ahole thinks I'm ignorant enough to not see through his bullshit. For every time I confronted him; for every time he told me I was too assertive as an IT professional; for every time he told me I needed to soften the moxie; for the time I called him on his shit when he told me I should put my lifestyle and other things back under the covers; for every time we had a one-on-one and he seemed nervous to be around me, I guess I was too much for him.

He's got what he wants now...a team of yes men who don't rock the boat.

They're giving me a 12 week severance package assuming I'll sign a separation agreement stating I won't sue the company or hold them liable for anything. Once I meet with an attorney, I may do just that...sign it and be done with it. It's a blessing and I already know it.

More on the car and other current events tomorrow. There's so much to catch you up on!

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