Friday, October 14, 2005

No Naughty Nurses

With Halloween coming, Auburn Aries is again perplexed by what she should be. And with me not being one of those “super-Moms” with plenty of time to spare to sew a costume, I end up waiting until the last minute to help her figure it out. I hate doing this because it just creates stress.

We went over to Fairy Godmother’s house last night and Aries helped her build the life-size ghoul Godmother puts in her front window every year. Doesn’t matter how often I see them build the damn thing, every time I walk outside and look at it with the light shining up on it from the floor it freaks me out.

This is also why I don’t participate in Haunted Houses. I scare easily. It’s why when I saw What Lies Beneath in the movie theatre with Grouchy Girl, I jumped out of my seat and knocked a 32 ounce Pepsi in her lap. I can’t watch scary movies alone. I own Butterfly Effect and won’t watch it. The Grudge is playing on HBO right now and The Math Whiz told me that it scared the living shit out of him so I won’t watch that either.

There needs to be someone sitting next to me whose flesh I can claw when I’m scared. That same person needs to plan on sleeping in my bed so that even when the security alarm on the house is activated, they’ll hold me tight because of what already exists inside the house and the potential for those entities to “get me.”

Unreasonable? Perhaps. But just because I can’t SEE it, doesn’t mean it’s not there.

I know there are costume shops out there but when you have an eight year old who is 4’10” it seems hard to find an age appropriate costume that will work for her. In this morning’s edition of The Oregonian it said that adults are spending 84% more on costumes this year than last, according to, and online searches for sexy costumes have jumped by 180% on that website over the past two weeks.

I know every year I hit the Halloween Shops that sprout up all over the city and find that Aries can no longer shop in the little kids section. And when we contemplate what’s out there in adult sizes, it’s so racy that I have to explain to her that she’s too young to dress like slut! Okay, I don’t say it like that but…

That same article listed the top five costumes that are best-sellers to date:

Women’s Sexy Tuxedo, 785 costumes sold
Jessica Rabbit, 527 costumes sold
Tinkerbell, 511 costumes sold
Belly dancer, 388 costumes sold
Naughty nurse, 377 costumes sold.

Don’t think for a second that theme doesn’t roll out into stores. It does. And it’s not that I don’t appreciate seeing a hot woman wearing one of these costumes. But for right now, I don’t ever want to see my daughter in one of those costumes.

The day she’s old enough to wear and buy a Naughty Nurse costume, might well be the day you find my lifeless body sitting in my car in my garage with ignition still running!

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