Friday, October 21, 2005

Put the Toaster Oven Over Here...

I made a big decision.

It’s true. It’s a ginormic, hugantic decision that will affect everyone. Okay, maybe not everyone..

I’ve decided to keep my big-ass, mondo house and Hot Toddy will be moving in with me and Auburn Aries this week.

I spoke to Daddy D last week and told her of my struggle of whether or not to keep the house acknowledging that it’s not my dream house but that it has a lot of equity -or- sell it knowing that my original intent was to find something that was less maintenance.

Her advice to me was to go out looking at houses. She, being the double Virgo that she is makes every decision logically – as does Virgo Fairy Godmother (who is generally much more successful in her endeavors than Daddy D).

Daddy D also pointed out that being the double Pisces that I am, I make my decisions based on emotion. She knew I wouldn’t know my decision until I saw another house that struck my fancy. I know it’s not the best way to do most things, but it’s the way I’m built. Thank Goddess I’m surrounded by Virgos for just such input. Between she and Godmother I was getting my logic in bulk.

Fairy Godmother reminded me that unless I was going to downsize from 3,000 square feet, there was no need to bother selling it.

I went out with a realtor and looked around and am just not willing to give up my house for what’s out there. It could be the realtor I used just wasn’t showing me what I needed to see or that I wasn’t open to it or that I’m meant to live with Toddy.

Any way you look at it, I’ve decided to stay put.

Having Todd move in is a big deal for me for several reasons. These are not in any particular order…

He is my family.

Auburn Aries adores him.

I trust him.

Having his energy is the house will fill the emptiness downstairs that I detest so much.

We can have our many, many talks on the deck while looking at the Butte, enjoying a beverage without that annoying wait time while he’s on his way over.

He makes me laugh, oftentimes until I practically pee my pants.

He understands me and my lifestyle and my choices.

He vomits on my porch.

He loves me unconditionally.

He takes Aries for ice cream when they’re together.

He will be helping me out monetarily.

He wears grandpa undies which are SO hot.

He loves my kid.

On a more serious note - he needs us, his family, right now. Todd is going through a time of evaluation. He's taking time to think clearly about many things. Though he has been very strong in Thor’s absence and is rolling with the punches, there comes a time when you have to think about what is really important in your life.

His accident the other night didn’t help matters any. I was grateful that he had me to turn to. He was very rattled by the whole thing. It happened just blocks from my house. I was able to get him settled and keep him grounded as best I could. And I tried to comfort him as he cried because his emotional plate feels so full this was just one more thing that he didn’t need.

Sometimes a person can be in a crowded room and be the loneliest person there. I don’t like that Todd or any of my friends feel lonely. I don’t like it when they feel their lives are lacking when there is so much for which to be grateful. I don’t like for Todd or any of my friends to feel they need to talk to someone even though they don’t know what they need to say, but there’s no one there to listen.

Life is complicated enough just by its very nature. Having added stress and emotional strain only makes it unbearable at times.

For Todd, Auburn Aries and I will be his safe place to fall. My house is my sanctuary – it’s where I find peace and where I get grounded. It’s where I can shut the world out and just feel safe. It’s my controlled environment. Todd hasn’t had that sanctuary in a while nor has he felt safe and loved in the way he needs or deserves to be.

So together we’ll get through this stage of life and be there for each other – through all the men and the women and the drama and the confusion and the hurt and the tears and the desperate need to understand when you have nothing to go on.

I will help him be strong when he needs it because that’s what you do when you love someone. You put your own needs aside and reach out. Which when you’re dealing with Todd, can be one of the most rewarding experiences you’ll ever have because the love you get back is ten fold. I haven’t lost sight of what’s real and true in this life and I will always be there for him.

So come home, Hot Toddy. We’re waiting for you with open arms.

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