The following is an exchange that took place Friday morning between me and my sister, Skinny Girl. You can feel the love. (We weren’t serious…just so you know).
I sent out an email to close friends and coworkers to see if they would sponsor Auburn Aries in Run for the Arts.
The Email Thread:
Just wanted to check with all of you and see how you'd feel about sponsoring Auburn Aries in Young Audiences' Run for the Arts. Young Audiences is a non-profit arts in education organization that helps the school raise funding for educational arts experiences, classroom workshops, field trips, artists performances and residencies.
It's a tax deductible donation. They have 45 - 60 minutes (sorry, can't remember which) to run/walk a quarter mile track. You can make a flat donation or a pledge based on the number of laps she completes. The run is on October 21st. Donations need to be collected by November 4th.
I have the form at my desk and would be happy to add you to it if you're interested.
Reply from Skinny Girl:
Hey bunghole - you've still not cashed the check I gave you back in February for one of Aries’ school things. It was for $14.00. What's the deal man?
Oh hell fuzzy! What the Sam Hell is going on here?! Horse shit Julie. Like I know where that effing check is at. Add the $$ back into your account. I'm sure I covered the cost and if I find the check, I'll shred it. So what? I lose one gawd damn check and so you're sayin no, you won't sponsor a poor child hungry for the arts? What a bitch!
Listen here you whore. I have been trying to balance my effing checkbook for MONTHS and it's been hell because of YOU. You want money, I give you money, you don't use money. MAKE UP YOUR EFFING MIND!!!!!!!!! Yeah, I'll give you more money, cash this biotch.
You dirty rahhhhht. If it was a big gd deal, you'd have called my f*cking ass months ago m*therf*cker - so quit'cher belly achin. And if you'd reread the original email it asks for a GD PLEDGE YOU *SSHOLE so belly up and sponsor my bratty kid. NOW
Why you lyin' piece-o-shit. I did call your goofy ass MONTHS ago and you said.... AND I QUOTE: "Hmmm, wonder what I did with that check? I'll look for it sis and get back to you". Yep that was the last I heard about that. As usual, I got tossed to the back friggin' burner to simmer all alone. That's it. I'm sick of you sons-a-bitches treatin' me like dirt. Nice. Nice to know I'm at the top of YOUR m*therf*ckin' priority list. Family. Right. Gawd, kiss my white ass!!!
So, you're in for sponsoring her again then?!?!
Bah ha ha - okay.