Monday, September 03, 2007

An Update (thanks to MzOuiser)

I received an email from MzOuiser a couple of days ago. I was reminded that I have blog friends out there who enjoyed reading my posts each day and who miss me. I've been so wrapped up in my own world that often times it's felt like there was too much going on to take the time to sit down and write. In one simple email she touched upon several things that hit home.

So here's a brief update which I hope will get me somewhat caught up so that I will begin to write again.

Auburn Aries:
My little girl is doing GREAT. She's so beautiful that there are times I look at her and I can't believe she's mine. She's ten and a half years old now and 5'5" tall. Most days she's still too smart for MY own good but that's better than the opposite I guess. It just means that when she hits her teen years, I'd better just keep my seatbelt on. In fact, I should upgrade to one of those eight point harnesses like they use in Nascar.

I am working downtown again and do not miss the 90 minute commute I had to Company South. Though I have to tell you it takes me half that time to get the 11 miles to the office! I work with fantastic people at Company International. I started out doing project architecture for a while and that was really cool. Now I'm getting back into systems engineering on Solaris which is a skillset I have to blow the dust off of. I missed doing Unix stuff but I've never missed doing Solaris work. Blech. AIX is my poison. (And Toddy, I know you don't know what I'm talking about - just ignore that last part.)

Hot Toddy:
Hot Toddy and I are still close friends though we don't see each other quite as much as we used to. As you know from his blog, he's been busy with weddings and trips and softball and The Toddtender and, and, and... He and Pony and I are still tight as ever. Toddy still never misses a beat and can have me on the floor about to pee my pants in two seconds.

Pony has, over the past couple of years, proven to be my safe port during some intense personal storms. I've struggled and he's been there to pick me up. Next to my sister, Skinny Girl, he probably knows more about me than anyone. The best thing is neither he nor Toddy have judged me through my difficult times. The sign of true friends.

Still have it, still LOVE it.

Sugar Bear:
The dog I thought I'd hate. Aries' little Chihuahua is now a whopping four and a half pounds. I didn't think I was going to like having a little dog in the house, but it's pretty awesome. I've only ever had large dogs and didn't realize how loving a small dog could be. I was prepared to hurt Golden Boy for giving us that puppy but as it turns out I owe him a debt of gratitude.

I've struggled. I've deal twith my depression and recently have been diagnosed with associated OCD and ADHD. Though I'm on the upswing, my depression got so bad after several big events last year that I lost my motivation. I've had trouble getting it back. I finally feel like the clouds are lifting.

I didn't get the house listed by July like I had hoped. I couldn't seem to get it in pristine enough condition to show it. And it's hard to ask for help with stuff like that. A person is supposed to be able to care for things like that on their own.

What I've come to realize is that depression is very real. And losing motivation like I did is not uncommon. Whereas I was very concerned about taking antidepressants and now Strattera - just the thought of having to take meds made me feel weak like I should be able to deal with it on my own.

The reality of that is this: if I had diabetes I wouldn't think I could fix that on my own. I would need the insulin to get better. My brain for whatever reason misfires and I need a little help staying on track. I feel more like the old me every day which is great. Saturday was the first time in the last two years I've felt really fucking good. So I'll keep doing what I'm doing and work on my shit. It's all I can do.

So I'm still plugging away on getting the house packed. The more I pack the more there is but I'll deal with it.

I'm still single - have been for a long time now. Oh, I still have my friends with benefits when I need them, but for now, I just need to take care of me. Me and my baby girl.