Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Maybe it's time again...

I've been decidedly single for years.  Tried relationships but it's so hard to bring someone into an instant family.  I'm black or white where Auburn Aries is concerned; there's no "give" when it comes to her.  She's mine and she has two parents, she doesn't need anymore. Everyone thinks they need to either a.)  discipline her themselves or b.)  tell me what I'm doing wrong.  Plus I don't want her to have to make sacrifices for the new flame and that's where it gets made. Our routines gets changed, my time is divided and she sees me excited about someone and it's not her.  I'm okay with my decision but I just had the strongest desire to love someone again. 

There was an ache inside to be close to someone, to hold hands with someone.  To be intimate with someone. 

I've been having dreams lately about being in relationships.  Last night's dream was about Charlie Sheen (the uncrazy one) but it was good and we had fun and he looked out for me.  It's such a hard job holding it all together all the time it'd be nice to have a soft, safe place to fall. 

Lord knows, though, that doesn't mean I'm ready to have someone up in my grill all the time and sleeping over every night and good gawd, me never having any time apart (maybe I'm not as ready as I think) but it'd be nice to have someone who loves me for me and appreciates it.  Someone who makes me laugh; someone who moves me.

Then the question from where that love will come.  Male?  Female?  Will they understand it could come from either?  Will they understand I don't need both so long as the love is nourishing?  Will someone take the time to get to know me?  Really know me.  Will they see all of the wonderful things I have to offer?