During my busiest times posting to this blog, I acquired several friends that I still hold dear. One in particular is GuruStu. We were introduced via our blogs and I immediately felt a spiritual connection with him. We've spoken on the phone several times and even had plans to meet up the last time I was in L.A. Things didn't work out that particular trip but I still keep up with him via cyberspace.
Over the years, his words have helped me stop and take stock of my life. He's given me insight into myself and he's helped me think about the person I am and the person I'd like to become. He's helped me sort out what's important and what's fodder.
GuruStu posts "daily thoughts" on his website. Everytime I receive an email with a new post I open it and take the time to read every word - no matter how "busy" I feel. I inevitably walk away feeling more in control; feeling more capable of enjoying my life instead of feeling like life is running me over.
Back on November 17th he wrote a post entitled "Don't just make better choices; become a person who makes better choices." You can find it on Daily Guru Thoughts. I have a folder for GuruStu's pearls of wisdom, it's for his posts that speak me; it's for posts that I know I'll come back to when I need them.
After reading his post about making better choices, I felt inspired. I read the post a second and third time. I couldn't believe how much clarity I suddenly had from the insightful thoughts of this one incredible man. That particular post reflected deeply with me because it was how I had always lived my life but somewhere along my journey I'd lost my way.
I clicked the print button and thought I'd hang onto a hard copy. If I could be that motivated by his words at that particular moment, I knew if read it every day it would help remind me how simple it really is to living your life and doing the right thing -- by making better choices.
When my print job completed, I pulled it off the printer and realized I had high quality photo paper in the tray. I'd been printing photos my friends Pua and Charlie earlier in day. I saw it as another sign that that particular post of GuruStu's was, in fact, meant for me that day.
It now hangs on the wall in my home office.
I realized at that moment that nearly every time I felt like I'd failed at something, it was because I didn't make the choice to succeed. I didn't make (or didn't want to make) the potentially tough decisions to get there.
It's now 10 months later and there are several other Seeds of Wisdom that hang on the wall in my home office. It's funny...you never know who you might meet or who may make an impact in your life. I met Hot Toddy who turned me onto blogging and subsequently pointed me to GuruStu. I can feel Stu's energy every single day and what comes from his heart lands directly on mine....and I'm thankful for it.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
Behold My New Abode
I found that living on a island outside Portland, although scenic and lovely, can cost a fortune. The 40 mile round trip to the grocery store or to the bar to meet my boys or to Auburn Aries's new middle school was not only expensive because of the gas for Stella but the time lost. Every trip off the island took an hour minimum. 30 minutes to town and 30 minutes back.
Forgot a key ingredient for dinner - an hour and half. Out of tampons - same. Not to mention the cost to run an in ground pool or the strain on my sense of humor.
I'll certainly miss those days by the pool but time had come for me to make a logical decision and move closer in. AA is playing volleyball this year and doing winter cheerleading and the location we moved to is less than a mile from her new school and within ten minutes of the grocery store. I actually had pizza delivered a couple of days ago. I haven't lived within pizza delivery range in years.
Keep in mind that in these pictures, this is not my furniture. I have no furniture. The stuff I had in my Powell Butte place was worn and was at the point it was going to need to be replaced soon. The island house was furnished so no worries there. Well, here I am in a new place without a stick of furniture.
It'll be a couple of months before I can probably afford to purchase new stuff so if any of you locals have furniture that you want to sell or get rid of, please let me know.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Boobs and Tubes
I went in for a mammogram a couple of weeks ago; on the same day I had an MRI for my lower back. Turns out there is a spot in my right breast that needs follow-up. They compared it to my mamm from last April and the spot has become more pronounced.
My immediate response was it's out of my control so I'm not going to worry about it. As the day for the tests has approached, a small crack in that foundation has appeared. Turns out I feel a little scared. What if it is something? I know there's still nothing I can do about it, but it's the uncertainty that sucks.
I watched my sister-in-law die from breast cancer about a month ago. I was with her when her journey started three years ago, when she lost her breast. I watched her get healthy only to discover the doctors never did a follow-up MRI after the mastectomy to verify they got it all - the result of which was that it had spread everywhere. I was her support while she lived with me and I carted her around for three months during radiation, doctor appointments and hospital visits.
My family's health burdens are heart disease and diabetes. All of us girls have always more or less back-burnered the idea of breast cancer - right up to the point that they call and say to need to come back for more tests. Then it's a wake up call that breast cancer has non-discriminate taste.
I'll play with whatever card I'm dealt. I don't really have a choice. And although I've talked my whole adult life about buying a set of spectacular boobs, I like mine. They are spectacular just the way they are and I'd like to keep 'em.
As for the tube part of this story, I'd just like to thank my Dad for sharing his claustrophobia. 'Nuff said.
My immediate response was it's out of my control so I'm not going to worry about it. As the day for the tests has approached, a small crack in that foundation has appeared. Turns out I feel a little scared. What if it is something? I know there's still nothing I can do about it, but it's the uncertainty that sucks.
I watched my sister-in-law die from breast cancer about a month ago. I was with her when her journey started three years ago, when she lost her breast. I watched her get healthy only to discover the doctors never did a follow-up MRI after the mastectomy to verify they got it all - the result of which was that it had spread everywhere. I was her support while she lived with me and I carted her around for three months during radiation, doctor appointments and hospital visits.
My family's health burdens are heart disease and diabetes. All of us girls have always more or less back-burnered the idea of breast cancer - right up to the point that they call and say to need to come back for more tests. Then it's a wake up call that breast cancer has non-discriminate taste.
I'll play with whatever card I'm dealt. I don't really have a choice. And although I've talked my whole adult life about buying a set of spectacular boobs, I like mine. They are spectacular just the way they are and I'd like to keep 'em.
As for the tube part of this story, I'd just like to thank my Dad for sharing his claustrophobia. 'Nuff said.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Alright, alright, I'll start posting again!
For my sister friends who keep asking me to write again ~ I'll do it. Facebook isn't enough for me either. Besides, I miss this world.
I'll try to start later tonight or tomorrow. There's plenty to say!
I'll try to start later tonight or tomorrow. There's plenty to say!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Stella needs brakes, damn...
Last weekend I was driving home from C.C.'s when all of a sudden this crazy squealing came from my car. I was on the Island on the long stretch home and it scared the shit out of me. I stopped the car in the middle of the road, got out and made sure I didn't have a flat. It occurred to me then that it must have been the built in squealer on my brakes.
It was, so here I sit at the dealer waiting for them to put some new shoes on Stella. We'll not talk about the oil change that she's due (and getting) or the fact that she's over on miles. My poor Dad is probably rolling in his grave because I'm over. I can hear him now, "You're gonna burn that damn motor up, Merle. Get that damn oil changed before you do anything else."
I'm sitting just off the showroom floor and to my right I can see the front end of an '09 Mustang. I'm avoiding strolling over there to look. I can't get sucked in. It sure looks hot though. All meaty and strong, winking at me trying to lure me in.
I forgot my security fob at home so I can't gain access into the office. I hate doing stupid shit like that. I could sit here at the dealer while my car is being serviced and be a good employee and get my work done. But no. I remembered the power cord and the broadband card but not the fob. In this economy copping to the fact that you screwed up and can't get your work done isn't a good thing. I'm so mad at myself all I can do is sit here and shake my head.
Rest assured knowing that my boss felt the need to further remind me that it was not a good thing... as if I'm not beating myself up enough.
Every year our little group has gone to the coast for my birthday. We didn't go last year. Pony had started a new job and was in Boston and Toddy forgot my birthday. I turned 45 last, wait, hot girl walking through the showroom. Holy moly. That'll just take your breath away. She had on heels. Not Payless heels, but nice Norstrom heels and great legs. Anyhoo, where was I? Oh the coast run this year.
Well as it turns out Pony has made other plans this year and Pua can't make it (I'll call you soon Pua) and though Hot and Golden Boy are in for the coast run, I don't know that it will be the same. My plans were to include The Math Whiz and The Handsome Prince this year but I"m thinking about pulling the plug on the whole thing. Money is so tight everywhere that maybe it'd just be best not to go.
These bastards want to turn the rotars on my brakes and I didn't think that was necessary when I looked at them. I better go stir the pot a little and see what the deal is. $360 for brake pads all around and turning the rotars. I have to make sure they're not soaking me because I'm a girl.
More "tomorrow."
It was, so here I sit at the dealer waiting for them to put some new shoes on Stella. We'll not talk about the oil change that she's due (and getting) or the fact that she's over on miles. My poor Dad is probably rolling in his grave because I'm over. I can hear him now, "You're gonna burn that damn motor up, Merle. Get that damn oil changed before you do anything else."
I'm sitting just off the showroom floor and to my right I can see the front end of an '09 Mustang. I'm avoiding strolling over there to look. I can't get sucked in. It sure looks hot though. All meaty and strong, winking at me trying to lure me in.
I forgot my security fob at home so I can't gain access into the office. I hate doing stupid shit like that. I could sit here at the dealer while my car is being serviced and be a good employee and get my work done. But no. I remembered the power cord and the broadband card but not the fob. In this economy copping to the fact that you screwed up and can't get your work done isn't a good thing. I'm so mad at myself all I can do is sit here and shake my head.
Rest assured knowing that my boss felt the need to further remind me that it was not a good thing... as if I'm not beating myself up enough.
Every year our little group has gone to the coast for my birthday. We didn't go last year. Pony had started a new job and was in Boston and Toddy forgot my birthday. I turned 45 last, wait, hot girl walking through the showroom. Holy moly. That'll just take your breath away. She had on heels. Not Payless heels, but nice Norstrom heels and great legs. Anyhoo, where was I? Oh the coast run this year.
Well as it turns out Pony has made other plans this year and Pua can't make it (I'll call you soon Pua) and though Hot and Golden Boy are in for the coast run, I don't know that it will be the same. My plans were to include The Math Whiz and The Handsome Prince this year but I"m thinking about pulling the plug on the whole thing. Money is so tight everywhere that maybe it'd just be best not to go.
These bastards want to turn the rotars on my brakes and I didn't think that was necessary when I looked at them. I better go stir the pot a little and see what the deal is. $360 for brake pads all around and turning the rotars. I have to make sure they're not soaking me because I'm a girl.
More "tomorrow."
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Auburn Pisces Resurfaces
I miss writing my blog. I know it's not the cool thing to do now with Facebook and Podcasts but I really enjoyed it and I'm hoping to get back to it.
How about some visual updates?
Last week I took Auburn Aries to a Trail Blazers basketball game. We grabbed some sushi and took the train to the Rose Garden and caught the game with some of her classmates and their parents. The seats were nose bleed but it didn't matter. The Blazers won and we had a ball. And look at my baby. She's so cute.
While on a field trip with AA's class, I took this shot of her downtown. Some field trips can be a drag but every once in a while there's one that's not so bad. We walked the waterfront and got a history lesson from some Portland guides.
I took this with my phone earlier this year. I no longer have dyke hair! It's about three inches longer now. Auburn Aries says that I look crossed-eyed. It's just the glare from the window. Growing it out sucked but it's been worth it. I love it being long again.
It did get worse as the days wore on. I think I took this picture on day two of the sleepover.
How about some visual updates?
Last week I took Auburn Aries to a Trail Blazers basketball game. We grabbed some sushi and took the train to the Rose Garden and caught the game with some of her classmates and their parents. The seats were nose bleed but it didn't matter. The Blazers won and we had a ball. And look at my baby. She's so cute.
While on a field trip with AA's class, I took this shot of her downtown. Some field trips can be a drag but every once in a while there's one that's not so bad. We walked the waterfront and got a history lesson from some Portland guides.
I took this with my phone earlier this year. I no longer have dyke hair! It's about three inches longer now. Auburn Aries says that I look crossed-eyed. It's just the glare from the window. Growing it out sucked but it's been worth it. I love it being long again.
In October, Portland held their annual AIDS Walk. The Boys and I all participated. There are pictures of me but I look fat so you can't see them! I will, however, show you Auburn Aries..
In December I dropped Auburn Aries off at her Dad's for part of winter break and headed to Pony's house for an overnighter. I started working from home full-time so getting away and having cocktails with friends was first on the list. Little did I know the anticipated snow storm the news stations named Arctic Blast 2008 would be as serious as it was. I ended up snowed in four days with absolutely no ability to get Stella off Pony's street.
It did get worse as the days wore on. I think I took this picture on day two of the sleepover.
Things with us have been up and down. Sometimes I don't think I can take anymore onto an already full plate. Other times, I take a deep breath and am thankful that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be. It could be worse.
Gotta close for now so I can cook dinner. More tomorrow.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Better Late Than Never
Happy Birthday Oak Point Man!!!
I meant to get this post up a couple of days ago (actually on your birthday) but got busy...or distracted...or maybe I was dancing with myself ~ who knows.
My point is I still think about you, my friend, nearly every day. On the 27th as I toyed with ideas about what I wanted to say, I stopped and thought about all the time we spent together. Morning coffee everyday at Kobos, lunch at the Acrop (still wantin' me some "Sunday" brunch!) or at the bento place, laughing at so many stories about people and friends and kids, checking out women together - one in particular that was H.O.T. and smart (a combination that's hard to beat). The three of us were great friends.
I miss the kid stories a LOT. How is the Dinosaur Man? Still crazy smart?
I enjoyed our talks about relationships and sex (not always mutually exclusive). It was nice to have a friend with whom I can have those conversations without being judged. You were definitely that friend.
I regret not seeing you more when I worked in your neck of the woods. The miles between us are many but I still feel as close to you as ever .
I look back on the the last few years and miss what was. I miss the cameraderie we had and the way things were back then. I know that people and events come and go in our lives. It's like reading chapters in a good book. When you reflect on it, certain things stand out more than others. You are definitely one of those chapters. That last year we physically worked in the same location was, what I now know to be, a wonderfully, sweet time in my life.
I still love my life the way I always have, but I've been through more - some of it not so great - and I realize I will never be the same person I was back then. Wiser, yes. Unaffected by certain events, no. It's funny how it all works. When I think of that time I realize how blessed I was to have you and Hot Mama and Young Stud in my life. Time has changed the proximity but not the way my heart feels about you guys.
My friendship with you always made me feel special. You were truly my friend. I know we each had other friends but I knew that you were there for me and that it didn't matter what happened, you cared about me.
As I conclude my walk down memory lane, I want you to know the friendship you shared with me has touched my heart. I have memories (and giggles) that only you and I share and that's pretty cool.
I'll try to make an effort to connect with you soon. Maybe it's time for another conference call with Hot Mama?!
Happy birthday, Oak Point Man.
I love you.
I meant to get this post up a couple of days ago (actually on your birthday) but got busy...or distracted...or maybe I was dancing with myself ~ who knows.
My point is I still think about you, my friend, nearly every day. On the 27th as I toyed with ideas about what I wanted to say, I stopped and thought about all the time we spent together. Morning coffee everyday at Kobos, lunch at the Acrop (still wantin' me some "Sunday" brunch!) or at the bento place, laughing at so many stories about people and friends and kids, checking out women together - one in particular that was H.O.T. and smart (a combination that's hard to beat). The three of us were great friends.
I miss the kid stories a LOT. How is the Dinosaur Man? Still crazy smart?
I enjoyed our talks about relationships and sex (not always mutually exclusive). It was nice to have a friend with whom I can have those conversations without being judged. You were definitely that friend.
I regret not seeing you more when I worked in your neck of the woods. The miles between us are many but I still feel as close to you as ever .
I look back on the the last few years and miss what was. I miss the cameraderie we had and the way things were back then. I know that people and events come and go in our lives. It's like reading chapters in a good book. When you reflect on it, certain things stand out more than others. You are definitely one of those chapters. That last year we physically worked in the same location was, what I now know to be, a wonderfully, sweet time in my life.
I still love my life the way I always have, but I've been through more - some of it not so great - and I realize I will never be the same person I was back then. Wiser, yes. Unaffected by certain events, no. It's funny how it all works. When I think of that time I realize how blessed I was to have you and Hot Mama and Young Stud in my life. Time has changed the proximity but not the way my heart feels about you guys.
My friendship with you always made me feel special. You were truly my friend. I know we each had other friends but I knew that you were there for me and that it didn't matter what happened, you cared about me.
As I conclude my walk down memory lane, I want you to know the friendship you shared with me has touched my heart. I have memories (and giggles) that only you and I share and that's pretty cool.
I'll try to make an effort to connect with you soon. Maybe it's time for another conference call with Hot Mama?!
Happy birthday, Oak Point Man.
I love you.
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