Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Funny things I've heard

A few weeks ago I was in CC's (big surprise, right) and heard a couple of things that still make me laugh.

The first one:

Pony: ..Yeah, I can come by your house and pick you up.

Friend of Choppers: Every time you come by my house in that big fucking truck, the vibration of your diesel motor knocks all my Cher dolls down.

(see what I mean.)

The second one:

Vidal: Hmmm, should I gamble before I go home or just go home?

Daddy H: Yeah, um, I'm gonna go play some video crack before I go home. It's for my kids college education. Then I'll go home and have a turkey pot pie.

('nuff said)

The third one:

Hippy: My wife tried to cook a prime rib once. She fucking killed that thing. She over cooked it until it was about this big. It was something only the damn dog could eat. She tried to tell me that you're supposed to cook it that long. I told her she shouldn't use the smoke alarm as a timer.

AP: [laughing really hard] Was it that fucked up?

Hippy: Oh yeah, it was THAT fucked up. We were sitting in the livingroom later that night with the dog in the room. She looked over and asked why the hell the dog kept licking his ass. I said, "Oh, I don't know, to get rid of the taste?"

(this one killed me.)

And the best one for last:

Pony, Hot Toddy and I were all having cocktails a couple of nights ago. We were watching the boy porn when the camera went wide for a shot of the bottom gettin' drilled. We were all watching intently when all of a sudden there on the screen was a guy with horseshoe hair.

Now don't get us wrong, nothing wrong with men who are losing their hair. In the porn world, however, most men are chiseled with six pack abs and either a full head of golden locks or a shaved head.

Pony: They shouldn't let men with male pattern baldness do porn. It's not hot. Only if it's shaved is it hot.

HT: Yeah, Hair Club for Men porn.

AP: [Laughs hysterically and runs for a trick sheet on which to make notes].

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