Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Now I KNOW it’s True Love

Company X is located in south downtown in Portland. Finding a restaurant in “sodo pdx” for lunch can be challenging. The restaurant selection is sorely lacking at this end of town. There’s the usual Company X café where everything tastes the same. This declaration was made a couple of weeks ago when The Math Whiz and Hot Toddy and I were dining together.

Company X gives a 35% discount on meals when you order healthy entrees. Hot Toddy ordered a burrito filled with a multitude of healthy ingredients. About half way through his lunch he disparagingly tossed his fork onto his plate and exclaimed, “How is this possible?!” There are how many different ingredients in this burrito all of which taste great individually – but somehow when they wrap it in a tortilla it tastes the same as the pizza and the salads and the sandwiches!”

Needless to say, our trek across town continues in an endeavor to find an acceptable culinary experience.

Every time we go to lunch, regardless of where we go, we always come back down a specific street. On said street, there is a tiny little store wedged in between Paradise Bakery and New York Burrito. The curator of this tiny little store is a thirty-something Asian man, er, dare I say, Asian Bodybuilder with biceps the size of Volkswagens.

Hot Toddy has a thing for Asian men and we walk by the little store because Hot Toddy enjoys the glimpse of eye candy he receives as he passes by. Ms Karma and I have come to realize that regardless of what we’re saying to Toddy, he will tune us out until after he passes the store. He has, on countless occasions switched sides with me because at 5’10” tall, I might block his view. He and I have gone into the store to buy water and a Men’s Fitness magazine just so Hot Toddy could be near this guy.

Well, today Hot Toddy and I dined together at a Thai restaurant. It just so happens that this Thai restaurant is on the same street at the little store. Though we took a different route to the restaurant, we took our usual route back. We were walking along chatting and walked right by light where we usually cross the street so we are on the same side as the store.

I said nothing.

We proceeded down the street and as Toddy continued his story, I frequently glanced up to watch him take in his Asian stud.

But something was amiss. He was walking along with his eyes straight ahead. The closer we got to the store, the less time in between my glances. I wondered what the hell was going on. This can’t be… I tried to be inconspicuous as I watched him – I didn’t want to evoke any response. And then it hit me.

As we approached the next stop light which was half a short block ahead of us, I stood in shock.

With all the conviction in my heart, I said it.

AP: That’s it. Now I KNOW it’s true love.
HT: What are you talking about?
AP: The little store. The Asian guy.
HT: What?
AP: You just walked right by the little store and never looked over to see the Asian Bodybuilder guy.
HT: Oh my God. I totally didn’t even think about it.
AP: Like I said, now I KNOW it’s true love.

Call the media, tell your friends… Hot Toddy’s Toaster Oven is, indeed, on broil. He’s never been more off the market than he is now.

Sorry, Asian Bodybuilder Guy, you had your chance.

Thor, you’re one lucky bastard.

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