Tuesday, April 04, 2006

When it rains...

How is it possible the sun is shining so beautifully today yet when it rains it pours?

I took Aries to opening day of Mariner season. More on that tomorrow. For right now I just need to vent.

When we arrived home last night from the game, Hot Toddy pointed out that the furnace wasn't working. I checked it but there was nothing I could do.

It isn't necessarily cold here at night right now. Not by ordinary standards I guess. I, on the other hand, am usually cold. Though it was 60 degrees when I awoke this morning, I couldn't shake the chill in the air.

I called the furnace guy to come over and take a look at it. It's a guy I trust. He owns the heating and a/c company. He poked around and finally broke the news to me.

It's time for a new furnace.

He said he my current furnace was installed in 1987 (which seems not that long ago), however, when he said it was almost 20 years old I realized avoiding a new furnace may not be possible.

He did say he could find parts for the blower, ignition thingy for the pilot light and the motor but that it would cost quite a bit to fix since the parts are no longer manufactured. He also said he couldn't guarantee it wouldn't still crap out on me.

He looked at the house, compared my 70% efficient furnace to the new 92% efficient (I can't afford the 99% efficient one right now) and we worked up some numbers.

Sweet Hot Toddy called me after I left him a tear soaked message on his voicemail. He pointed out that it's Spring and that he's okay warmth-wise. That maybe we could just leave the furnace off and not worry about it until I get back to work. Bless his heart.

And maybe if I didn't have a daughter, I might contemplate doing that. Maybe. Aries awoke this morning to a cold house and couldn't shake the chill. And who am I kidding, I don't like to be cold.

In as much as I would love to have lived in the 1800's riding horses and carrying pistols strapped to my leather pants..where was I? Oh yeah, I was going to say that I don't know how I'd have stood it with no damn furnace in the house. But it just occurred to me that back then I'd have just built a fire.

There's 5 minutes of your life you're never getting back.

Anyhoo, I'm broke, my job search is never ending - it seems no one ever calls you back, I'm supporting my kid on a wing and a prayer and now I have to pay $2500 for a new furnace.

Needless to say when the furnace guy left, I broke down and cried. Not silent trickling tears down a sad face, but full-on, head hanging low, hand on my forehead, sound coming out of my mouth, crying. I walked directly into my bedroom next to my bed, fell to my knees and begged for help. I don't know what to do anymore.

I've, once again, thrown it all up to the Gods and Goddesses. They can handle it.

I've tried to remain strong through all I've gone through lately. There's a chunk of my stress I don't write about here for legal reasons. But I've tried to not string things together. I've seen them as individual events that happen to be taking place relatively close together.

But after today, I actually asked why me. What is it I've done to piss someone off to "deserve" this. Now granted that's a victim's attitude. But I have to wonder wtf is up with my life lately.

I know things will work out. They always do...But it's amazing what you can get used to, isn't it?

Okay, I need to post this and log off. My frickin' laptop is making a helluva noise and the last thing I need in the middle of a job search is my computer crapping out on me. More tomorrow (hopefully).

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