Thursday, May 31, 2007

Big change...and a Young Stud

Things they are a changin'.

I don't know what seems to be going on in my world. It's a mix I have yet to decipher. On the one hand, my new job is going great. I'm a Sr. Systems Engineer with an emphasis on project architecture and management. I'm being introduced to some things I've not done before which is fantastic.

On the other hand, things in my personal life feel split apart.

The Professor is moving out of Portland. The college where he teaches can't seem to pull their head of out their collective asses enough to offer him tenure. This is a man who is bright, articulate, well-read, street-wise, interested in life, open-minded...the list goes on and on. Yet the powers that be can't see the importance of keeping him and their apparent lack of intelligence is going to send him back home.

I am so devastated by the fact that he's leaving that I tear up at the thought of him leaving. I'm always alone and reflecting on the family when it hits me that he'll no longer be close by. He's become such an important part of us that I cannot imagine him not just being down just down the road.

It's indicative of change that I'm not sure I'm prepared for yet.

I've decided to sell my house. I've teetered with this decision for the last couple of years and have finally realized it's time to move on. The funny thing is as unhappy as I've been with this house (bought it because Daddy D loved it), I found myself standing on the front porch, margarita in hand and feeling sad about the memories that me and Aries have created here that we'll be saying good-bye to. Well, not good-bye but you know what I mean.

I remember the first year I hung lights and Fairy Godmother came over to help me. It was cold and seemed like it took forever and I'm such a damn girl about doing shit like that that I was wholly dependant on FG to guide me through it. It was that same night that my front door decided to stick and we couldn't get back into the house. FG and I ended up busting the door down trying to get in.

We made it back in, but she had to grab finishing nails (yes, I had some) and a hammer to nail the door trim back up. We really busted the door in. I'll never forget the look on Auburn Aries sweet little face when we stood at the sidewalk and looked at the house all lit up. Now I bust out the lights in about an hour by myself and I do it before the neighbors and make them look bad!

I thought about decorating for Christmas with Auburn Aries; I thought about Thor living here and when Toddy fell in love with him and how many laughs (and cocktails) we all shared. I don't know when I've seen more kisses shared. I thought about Young Stud and the time he spent here and me always making sure he had his favorite Whiskey. I thought Toddy living here shouting up the stairs "It's 5 o'clock somewhere, it's cocktail hour." "Okay, Hot, I'll get the shaker." I thought of the comedy we'd watch and tears we shared and support we gave one another.

I thought about the time I spent here with Lorin, that heartbreakingly beautiful creature who I thought was going to be my lifetime commitment only to find out she had a problem with my daughter. She was the one, at least I thought so anyway. It's heartbreaking to find out you're not going to be able to work it out because you have a child. It's not like I could put her back!

I reflected on the dinner parties with The Boys and Pony flicking his olives out of his enchiladas; and Super Bowl parties and when Pua came to visit and stayed for almost a all just came flooding back.

I was talking to my friend Hippy about how even though I knew selling the house was the right thing to do that I felt melancholy about moving again. Then he gave it to me but good:

"What emotion?!!! This isn't an emotional decision. It's a financial and economic decision. You can keep your memories but snap out of it. Get this shit done and move on."

He's a wise man. As a Pisces I often let emotion get the better of me in my decision-making.

On a different note, Auburn Aries came to me two nights ago:

AA: Can we go shopping tomorrow?

AP: Sure, Babe, what do you need?

AA: I need "cup" bras.

AP: "Cup bras?"

AA: Yeah, cause my boobs need cups now not sports bras.

AP: [falls to the floor clutching her chest and kicking her feet screaming "no, no, no, you were just in diapers!!!!"] Sure, Baby, we can do that.

We ended up going to Target to buy cup bras and she found the little A cup bras she liked. The little snot actually turned to me and said, "I'll go in the dressing room by myself and you can wait out here."

Ah IF. I responded, "NO, this is a right of passage for a Mom and I'm going in with you."

We bought three colors and she's dancing around the house feeling more comfortable and confident than ever. I, on the other hand, had my hair colored again and am looking for a good anti-aging cream for my laugh lines.

On a lighter note, I have a man in my life who I don't see nearly enough anymore. We have over the last few years remained close though life pulls us in different directions. Young Stud has a birthday coming next month. And if I'm not mistaken it's on 07-07-07. This is the last time we'll see 07-07-07 in our lifetime and I hope sincerely, with all my heart, that he makes this birthday the most special ever.

I know that if I have anything to say about it, it'll be memorable. Though it may not be in the multitude of ways I'd like to make it special, I will make sure to remind him that he is, indeed, in my heart and will be forever. I love you, Young Stud.

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