Monday, March 20, 2006

Beach Boys (not THOSE boys, My Boys)

Pony and Chopper by the fire.

JR and Vidal (two little love birds sitting in a tree...)

Chopper, Pony, Vidal, and JR.
I don't know why I love this shot, I just do.
It's one of those 'moment-in-time' shots.

Hot Toddy steps away from World of Warcraft.

Yours truly. 43 and glad to be me.

Young Stud. That shirt doesn't lie (you have no idea).

Seething Cakes of Hatred in the making.
Pony's does what he does best. Workin' the meat.

Hot and Aub.

Ren in Depoe Bay.

When a group of people gather to spend a weekend together, there's always potential for chaos. But the weekend we spent at the Coast was the exact opposite of chaos. Well, other than locating the house.

When the rental agency mentioned on the phone "there's a mailbox and a telephone pole at the end of the driveway," I dismissed it. Don't most driveways have a mailbox? Pony and Chopper weren't far behind me on the drive out. They actually made an attempt to find the house while I was picking up the keys.

Trying to find the house turned out to be a comedy of errors. "Drive down 101 past the six white rocks. Go around the bend a ways and you'll see a driveway with a mailbox and a telephone pole at the end of it. There'll be a sign (which was not visible from the road, by the way) and the gate is right there."

Lucky for me I drive a stick shift which keeps my hands busy and I didn't have any sharp objects in the car with me. I was ready to slit my own damn wrists after that search. Had it not been for Pony and Chopper, I'd either still be driving around cursing like a sailor or slumped over my steering wheel.

It was, however, worth the time it took to find it. This was a great house for entertaining. I twisted a Margarita (big shocker, I know) to bring my agitation down a few notches and we waited for the guys to arrive.

Pony built great fires in the fireplace all weekend and it amazed me how much we were all in the same groove.

Someone said something early on about forgetting or bringing their sex toys. It occurred to me that I had forgotten mine as well. Voicing my forgetfulness, Pony pointed out that he could have Chopper carve me a dildo out of driftwood while we were there. I opted to pass on that. Pony did, however, find me a piece of drift wood in the shape of a penis. It's sitting here on my desk as I write. Can you just feel the love? My Boys always have my back.

Speaking of action, Young Stud made it sometime after dark. Spending time with him is like a gift every time I do it. He calms me. He keeps things very real for me. He calls me on my bullshit.

Over the course of the last year, I have participated in several conversations about the bi versus lesbian topic. I identify as a lesbian and in as much as I played for both teams for 20 years, I like women. Beautiful, soft, creatures with breasts...where was I? Oh yeah. Later in the evening the topic of my being bi came up. I promptly corrected the erroneous statement by declaring, once again, that I'm a lesbian.

Vidal promptly spoke up and said, "Since I've known you, Auburn Pisces, I've never seen you with a woman. I've only known you with men." I quickly looked up to rebut the statement but when my mouth closed and my brain had a moment to process, what Vidal said was true (We've only been friends a few months). Still, I pushed the issue and jumped on the "yeah, but..." soap box.

Then I heard Young Stud chime in, "Yeah, do you really want to go there?! Especially with with me in the room!!" I shut my pie hole and I'm sure turned eight shades of red. It's not my fault I'm built this way. I didn't ask for it (nor would I change it).

As I'm sure you've all read the hysterical account of the Seething Cakes of Hatred, I just have a couple of things I'd like to add. Watching Hot Toddy cook for eight people was, by far, the most laughable thing I've ever seen [insert image of Todd standing in total exasperation, tapping his foot and waving around a spatula].

There were a couple of people at the table who didn't want pancakes, but since Toddy went to all the trouble, I think everyone ate one. Personally, I think we were all scared Toddy might whack us with a spatula if we didn't eat 'em. And that frickin' bourbon syrup shit. Oh my hell. Gag. Gross. I've swallowed a thing or two in my day (segue Vidal's point) but I'll never again swallow that crap.

But I have to tell you, when Toddy stood near the table reading the ingredients of the Krusteaz Pancake Mix was when I lost it.

HT: It says on here there's eggs in this mix. How the hell would they put eggs in a dry mix?

All the table at once: Dried eggs. Haven't you ever heard of dried eggs?

HT: Dried eggs. How does that work? They just don't give the chicken water or something?

How can I not love this guy as much as I do? He is one of the funniest, most clever people I know.

Then there was the conversation Ren was having about the location she and I were going to lunch on Sunday.

R: It's this great restaurant in Depoe Bay. It's called Tidal Raves.

HT: Title Raves? What is it a bookstore or something?

R: No, TiDal Raves.

HT: Title Raves.

AP and R: TIDAL RAVES. Like in the ocean. Tidal...waves...[insert image of me providing visual aids by making waves with my hand].


We all started laughing at which point I quickly grabbed my blog notes I kept from the weekend and started writing.

HT: Gawd, don't write that down. I have to look smart on the internet.

Hot Toddy, anyone who's read the Toaster Oven knows your smart. But in my world, if you can make me laugh, you'll have me for life. Laughter wins every time.

I also had the distinct pleasure of waking Chopper up on Sunday morning. Chopper was dragging and Pony wanted him up and gave me permission to roust his man. I entered their bedroom to find Chopper laying on his back with his hands interlocked behind his head (he was under the covers waist down, btw). I jumped onto the bed and straddled him (segue Vidals point) and started moving around on him.

He laid there with a big smile on his face, his big biceps, strong arms and tattoos looking so, so good (hush up, Vidal. You, too, Young Stud). I wish more than anything I had a picture of THAT to post here. Good Lord. Pony, you're a lucky man.

We all gathered and had bagels for breakfast on Sunday. I was pulled deep within the pages of Angels and Demons. There was music playing on the stereo. I believe it was something Hot Toddy put in. It was something SO gay, it made my ears bleed. We listened to it for a while but the gayness intensity of it was too much.

JR: Sombody change this quick. I've never wanted to shoot myself more in my life.

Ren: Get me a butter knife.

Pony: [approaches with the fireplace poker and presents it Ren] It's just as dull.

I love My Boys, but I gotta tell you...there's only so many show tunes and gay man music I can listen to. Considering I blasted Kanye West's Gold Digger on the way to the coast, I thought my head was about to explode, when JR spoke up again (bless his heart).

JR: This is gay music hell!!! Pretty soon we'll be so gay we'll wrap all the way around and be straight again.

I laughed so hard I about peed my pants.

My cell signal was poor while at the coast. At one point it was clear enough for me to get to a voice mail that had been left by MzOuizer. This wonderful blog friend left me a message of song. One that she wrote just for my birthday. I was moved and teary-eyed at the sentiment and laughing while I listened to it. No one has ever done that for me before. Not only did I share it with everyone that night, I have it saved on my cell phone and if I can figure out a way to audio blog it somehow, I will post it.

Thank you, MzO, for making my birthday that much more special.

It was the most relaxing, fun weekend at the Coast I think I've ever had. I love going there alone, but would go again with my chosen family in a hot second. We watched it snow; awoke to an iced over deck; watched two Bald Eagles flying around Proposal Rock; saw storms roll in over the ocean; enjoyed lots of sunshine; did some gambling at the Casino; laughed, drank, ate great food and loved (at least I did several times ;)...

It was absolutely phenomenal. Thinking about reserving it for a week in the summer. You in?

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