Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Smarties Pants

I know it’s after the fact, but I have to share some Halloween stories.

Toddy and I went to C.C. Slaughter’s the Saturday before Halloween. We hooked up with Pony and Chopper and The Professor and his partner The Mathematician. I just have to say that The Professor and The Mathematician are one of the hottest gay couples I’ve seen together in a long time. More on that later…

Toddy was dressed as an angel. For those of you who just spewed your coffee, it’s true. Though by all outward appearances it was the perfect costume, those of us who know Toddy and that devilish side know better.

He was dressed in a white tux with rhinestone lapels and collar, and a white shirt and poised above his head, a pink fluffy halo.

I was dressed in a white tank top with my boobs perched beneath it (thank you Victoria’s Secret) under a low cut, loosely crocheted pullover with a V neck. As we left the car, Toddy took what would have been his angel wings and put them on me. And for those of you who know ME… I don’t think an angel would be the best way to describe me.

Anyhoo, the costumes were great, some outrageous and some silly (like Angel wings). Some were just hot. Like Pony’s boyfriend Chopper – shirtless with his nakedness painted camouflage.

We did a lot of the usual standing around, laughing, conversing. Not much different than other times spent at C.C.’s, except when The Professor and The Mathematician came in we all about fell off our chairs. Wow.

The Professor was dressed in a matching red vinyl mini skirt and halter top and the hottest pair of CFMBs I’ve ever seen. For those of you unfamiliar with our world…Come Fuck Me Boots. They were the toughest pair of red vinyl knee high, lace up, 6-inch heeled boots I think I’ve ever seen.

Above the boots the tightest, muscliest (is that a word?) thighs. Not to mention his muscle bound shoulders and arms and biceps and... And he has the most beautiful, soft dreads all the way down his back.. Breathtaking.

By his side, his partner was dressed similarly in black… The Mathematician has the most beautiful bone structure in his face. His blonde hair was spiked and he, too, revealed a beautiful taut body. Looking into his eyes reveals a piece of his spirit. He’s a great guy. Together these two are very pretty together.

We all gathered around our usual end of the bar (I know, unbelievable that we have a “usual” area at the bar) and were talking when Hot Toddy reached into the pumpkin head bowl and grabbed out a roll of Smarties.

He stood, childlike, carefully untwisting the ends. It was as though no one else in the bar existed. He searched with anticipation for the edge of the plastic. Gently he pulled it open. He laid the open roll of Smarties in his palm.

It was at this moment that my angel wings were supposed to be revoked. Having watched him the entire time, I had obtained the attention of everyone in our group and pointed out the determination and childlike quality of Toddy’s actions. We all stood there watching.

I walked up to Toddy and said, “What’cha doin?” As he started to answer, I transferred my Margarita into my left hand and with one quick snap, popped him on the bottom of his Smartie-bearing hand and Smarties went flying EVERYWHERE.

I believe it was at this moment that he told me how much he adored me and the friendship I’ve blessed him with… Or something like that.

My actions only served to set the tone for the next 20 minutes.

Todd grabbed another tube of Smarties and with a loving, gentle look in his face said something like I Love You dear friend or stay away from me you bitch – I forget which. Laughing, I stepped back and left him to his desire.

Which apparently at this point was to be mean to Pony. See, Pony had just been delivered a new bottle of beer. Toddy quickly and attempting to not get caught reached over and dropped a Smartie into the top of Pony’s beer bottle.

Pony had his back turned. The rest of us stood there in amazement and watched as the candy caused the beer to foam up. In slow motion, foam bubbled out the top of the bottle. Todd was giggling so hard he couldn’t stop. With Pony engaged in a conversation, Toddy finally got his attention and pointed to the beer.

Pony snatched up his half-drank bottle and clutched it close to his chest all while shooting his Pony-evil-eye trying to make us feel bad. Didn’t work but it was a good effort on his part.

With Toddy armed and dangerous he proceeded to throw Smarties at people. There was one guy who was quite a bit shorter than Todd (who isn’t) and Todd simply hovered his hand above this poor guys head and dropped Smarties on him. The poor buy couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. And I’m sure we all looked innocent as we watched Todd drop them, would start laughing and then turn our heads away.

Then there was Toddy’s sideways attempt to flirt with The Toddtender – who by the way was dressed as the devil… my lord… yummy. Face painted red, devil horns, red cape, jock strap. Thick muscles and body hair – the best devil EVER. Where was I again…?

Oh yeah, WE almost got in trouble for something TODDY did by hucking a Smartie at The Toddtender. He thought WE were throwing ice and WE weren’t throwing anything.. Toddtender, IT WAS HOT TODDY WHO WAS THROWING SMARTIES AT YOU, NOT ME.

Moving on… Toddy then felt it necessary to try and bean me with those damn things. Surprisingly enough, it only took one. There I stood amidst conversation with My Boys when I felt this thing hit in my between my breasts. I looked up amazed and said, “You did NOT just throw that?!”

What I saw when I looked up was Toddy’s mouth hanging open, completely SHOCKED he made it on the first try.

I grabbed my tank and pulled it down and open slightly to show Todd that he had, indeed, nailed it when I heard this quiet, sexy voice say “Would you like me to get that for you?” I glanced over to see The Mathematician smiling at me waiting for my answer.

Well, seriously, what’s a girl to say to THAT offer? He had just been inducted into our family. Of course, I was going to let him get it. Hmm, kinda makes me sound slutty. Oh well.

I leaned forward and The Mathematician put that talented tongue of his to work. Now in all fairness, I need to point out that I’m a lesbian (shush up, everyone who knows me better). The artistic workings of the tongue is a lesbian’s forte. Therein lies the power. I’m here to testify that The Professor is one lucky bastard to have a man with such talent in his bed.

The Mathematician shut me up, right now. Talk about sensual. If I recall correctly my mouth fell open and my eyes grew large while I tried not to notice how good he was a Smartie retrieval.

Later that evening, I had the opportunity to dance (sandwiched in between) The Professor and The Mathematician on a sensual song that the DJ played. My god… these two men are so hot. I don’t think I’ll forget that dance anytime soon. If I could find a straight man who could move like that, I’d marry him tomorrow (so long as he lets me keep a female lover on the side).

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